Thursday, December 31, 2009

IN 2010...

Before I start yapping about what I'll do in the coming year (which is as of typing, roughly about 4 hours from now) let me just share with you what I've been contemplating about since the week started.

I've been thinking maybe this coming year I need to be with a woman. If ever there is such a thing, make things a little less complicated. Be normal for once. Looking back, the longest relationship I had was with a girl. Maybe I would have better luck with a straight relationship. I mean come on, women are easier to please than guys who have standards. Right?

Anyway, 2010's a few hours away and while almost everyone's preparing for the New Year's party that'll welcome the new decade or the year that'll end the decade (I'm confused), I am here in the office preparing for my work to start. I swear this will be the only time this will happen!!! Ever!!!

I've decided to make a checklist of things that I will be doing this coming year. My 28th year of existence on this planet we call earth.
  • Loosen up. Have fun. Bring back the social life I lost when I transferred departments in the office.
  • Go to Malate. Experience at least for one night what all the hype is about.
  • Don't get stressed too much.
  • Go on more dates. Date a girl. Whatever, just date more this year.
  • Oh yeah, get my ass promoted!!!
  • Travel more this year. Go to Boracay or something.
  • Do myself a favor and shape up.
  • Cut down on comic book expenses. 6000 pesos a month is just absurd Engel!!!
  • If I can't find someone who won't make me sad, find a person who's worth the pain.
  • Move out. Anyone in the Makati area looking for a roomie?! I have an xbox!!! :D
  • Get started with that epic story I've been plotting for weeks.
  • Of course, meet up with the people who've been sharing their lives with me in the blogosphere.
  • Smile alot. Be happier.

The even years are most of the time better for me than the odd years. I'm crossing my fingers that it'll prove true again in 2010.

Oh yeah, it's a blue moon tonight. I don't know what's so special about it, but it is rare to have two full moons in one month. Whatever it is, the moon does look especially pretty this evening.

Happy New Year everyone!!!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009


I wasn't supposed to go back here until the beginning of the new year. And this post is supposedly written for the other blog. But that idea was scratched. I've already written something similar there, and I guess I owe it to this blog, as it has been the witness to everything I've been through the last few months of the year.

Alot of the good things that happened to me, happened after I opened this new blog.

2009 was steady for Engel. Nothing huge like last year's trip abroad. Or nothing too dramatic like the resignation from a couple of years ago. It's just steady. And steady is good.

I did learn a lot of things this year though. In a way, I've grown some more. Am I a better person though? I'm not sure. I probably have a long way to go, but at least I'm more aware now of who I am and who I want to be.
  • This year I was reminded to think things through. There's nothing wrong in jumping blind when it comes to relationships, but before you do, you have to make sure that the jittery feelings you have inside is not just because you're longing for kilig. Infatuation is not the same as love. You may end up hurting someone in the process.
  • I learned to trust in myself more. I may not be the best looking guy in the world. I may not be the smartest. The most interesting. I could probably be the most boring guy out there, but there will still be people who will like me for who I am.
  • Not all risks pay off. But that doesn't mean you won't find anything you'll like about the changes in your life. When things don't seem to go the way you want it to be, change your perspective and where you are might not seem so bad after all.
  • Wisdom does not come with age. Some of the things you'll learn in life, you might get from people younger than you. You could be 27 years old, and still be the most immature person in the world.
Yeah, I'm back. I needed some time away because I need to clear my head. I need to rest my heart. I need to have some time for myself.

Thank you for those people who missed me. The ones who appreciated this blog, and this writer. To those who comes back even if I wasn't posting anything. You made it hard for me to leave this home totally. You guys made some of the challenges, trials, pains and heartaches worth it.

Hopefully in the next year, I'll meet all of you finally, who knows.

Happy New Year.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009


It has been a good run.

Eventually it has to end.

Some things just need to be sorted out first.

But for now the curtain needs to be closed out.

Saturday, December 19, 2009


I think it's about time Engel writes about the cause of the drama in his life the last few weeks. For one, he thinks he's okay now.

Remember Chris? Engel wrote about this about a couple of months ago, before he even met the ex. He followed some of the people's advice to just forget about his feelings for the kid, but still kept the friendship, as Engel was the cause of the kid's bisexual tendencies to emerge.

He did keep his word. He shoved whatever feelings he had behind him. He even had a boyfriend to show that he's serious in not taking advantage of the kid. And Chris understood. The entire time Engel was hitched, he kept his distance. While they do text and call each other sometimes, there was still a wall between them. A boundary that says they're better off as friends.

Then Engel broke up with ex. That's when things got complicated.

The kid's feelings came back. And being young, he got confused. He tried fighting his feelings for Engel. He's obviously not ready to live an alternative lifestyle. He has a girlfriend. Other than Engel, he doesn't know anyone else who lives like this. He's 19 and he doesn't know what he wants in his life. For all everyone knows, this could just be a phase he'll grow out of.

Engel on the other hand's been fighting feelings that have been wanting to burst out of his chest since the first day he met the kid. He had to fight it because after the break up, he realized he's not yet ready to commit with somebody. Anybody. And pulling Chris in, would be a HUGE mistake.

Long story short, they tried to say goodbye to each other. During those times they felt, and said that they loved each other, but since they both know it's a longshot that they'll end up with each other, to not make the inevitable difficult they decided to end what they had immediately. They said farewell.

Three times.

In one week.

But it seems that what they had for the one month that they knew each other, is something they can't move on from. So one Sunday evening they said hello again.

Things are better now. It's back to normal, although there are days when Engel can't help but get frustrated that things can't be more than what it is. But he's slowly accepting. Right now, they are better off as friends. And although Chris, doesn't say this, Engel knows he feels the same way.

This is not the right time. It is possible that they really aren't even meant for each other. But one thing is for sure, Engel likes where they are right now.

They don't know where things will go from there, but he's sure he'll... they will both be okay. And there's already a strong foundation between them that it'll be difficult to destroy whatever they have.

Oh, and for people who think Engel's got sugar daddy tendencies. Dream on. The kid comes from a well off family.

One thing that's kind of disturbing though, is that Engel for now is better off as a friend. That maybe it's what he's only good for. Being a goddarn friend.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009


In order for us to be genuinely great friends, I think I need to learn how to not miss you.


Last night I was talking to my best friend, and he told me one thing that lightened up my shitty evening.

One of my most attractive straight best friends (he told me to say this, but it's true) has pigsa on his balls.

I know it's painful, but at least now I feel less crappy about my life. So thank you for sacrificing your balls and your pains for my happiness. You're really such an awesome bro!!!

Don't worry I'll never have fantasies about your perfect balls EVER again.

I love you my friend. Hahahaha.

Monday, December 14, 2009


Because Engel can't think of anything decent to write here he decided to just write some more stuff about himself. 25 things about the writer not everyone knows about. One of them's a lie though.

  1. Engel is not that fond of watching gay Pinoy indie movies. Alot of them looks like it was written by a teen-ager who's using his little head to do the thinking. The only decent indie movie he saw is "Ang Lihim ni Antonio." And that one's full of unnecessary sex scenes.
  2. Engel's love for anything Christmas ended when he graduated from college.
  3. Engel has about 30+ perfumes in his closet.
  4. Although Engel won't admit it, he's addicted to Pinoy Big Brother Double Up, Showtime and Banana Split.
  5. He hates Korean pop songs because it sticks in his head. The other day, he was singing I Don't Care the whole day. And it sucks!!!
  6. Yeah, Engel's gay but he's got a huge crush on Joanna Garcia (Privileged). He's also attracted to Sam of PBB and there's also this girl in the office who's just eye candy. Too bad she's married and pregnant. But she's sooooooo pretty!!! Like trophy wife pretty.
  7. He loves karaoke nights! And he's not afraid to hold the mic even if he can't sing very well.
  8. Just because Engel's a junior doesn't necessarily give other people the right to call him Junjun. Ewww.
  9. Even if his life depends on it, Engel still won't be able to deliver a well-timed joke. That's why people think him too serious.
  10. Engel is currently plotting a huge story which he hopes one day will get published.
  11. One of his biggest fetish is people's necks. He could stare at nice necks for a whole day.
  12. He's never completed simbang gabi. He thinks the moment he steps foot inside a church, he'll burst into flames.
  13. The only church though where he's immune from hellfire and brimstone is St. Jude in Mendiola.
  14. When Engel was a kid, he almost committed suicide. The reason... his aunt did not make him a cup of coffee.
  15. Fireflies by Owl City is so gay!!! But regardless, Engel likes the song.
  16. Engel plans to have a big 30th birthday party in about 3 years.
  17. He's allergic to dust. So he can't really clean his room because it makes him sick. So he's not really lazy. It's just he's allergic.
  18. Engel can sit in front of the pc and read people's blogs for one whole day.
  19. Engel can't dance. That's why he doesn't hang out in clubs as much as he'd want to.
  20. He doesn't really know how to let out his anger. He just quits liking people who did him wrong.
  21. One of his best birthdays was spent in a straight men's bar with his closest male friends.
  22. This post is the post that took him the longest to write.
  23. Engel enjoys it when people look down on Engel, because he loves seeing their reactions whenever he proves them wrong.
  24. It is possible that Engel is not fully allergic to seafood. Tahong does not give him the same effects as crabs or shrimp does when he eats them.
  25. This post gave Engel a migraine.

Saturday, December 12, 2009


I made a pact to stay single until I'm sure I'm ready to enter a relationship

That's the reason why I don't entertain prospects anymore

But there are people

That no matter how many lines you draw between the two of you

You still can't help but have feelings

No matter how you try and restrain it

How many times you say goodbye

You still find yourself coming back to each other

You try to avoid each other

But he still lingers


The way God's hands work, it's crazy. Why can't things be less complicated. But still, I'm happy. For now.

Monday, December 7, 2009


Last weekend, I officially ended all the drama in my life. I said my peace regarding everything that needs a conclusion. Dried my eyes and I'm ready to smile again. Just need to get myself some uppers though.

Lots and lots of uppers.

More than my following comfort activities.

Enchanted, Slumdog Millionaire and practically and Pixar movie on my collection never fails to make me smile. It makes me tear up a little, but they're feel good movies, so it makes me feel good. Even if it's just a little and even if it's just for a short time. I like films that make me laugh, it makes me forget of my problems for the next hour and a half to two hours. A sort of escape from reality. If the pick is a good movie, it's my stress reliever.

I'd drown myself in the songs of Jon Mclaughlin, James Morrison, Matt White, The Script, Lifehouse, Kings of Leon, Jamie Cullum and Snow Patrol. Yeah, some of the singers are known for being a bit emo, but what can I do, these songs lift my spirit a little. It makes me remember other things that make me happy and in turn distract me from my worries. Any good music you guys could recommend me listen to?

Ice cream and pizza mostly. Well, ice cream makes me happy. To hell with the calories and whatever eating brings If I'm depressed I'll go ahead and pig out. It might make me feel worse in the end, but at least I'm happy. I guess that's what's important right? Happiness. Drowning out the sorrow. Letting go. My budget til the next salary's keeping me from buying the food I like, so for now, I make do with coco jam and wheat bread.

Well not really that much now. The blogosphere's just filled with drama this past few weeks that it's affecting my mood. Not much in a positive way. It's good that I'm fairing better than some of the other writers out there, but still you can only deal with too much drama. But normally, If I want to perk myself up I open up other people's blogs if only to find something to nitpick a writer's grammar (kidding big time!!!). No really, it feels awesome to know that good things come to good people. Gives me hope something similar will happen to me.

Just having someone to talk to is nice. A shoulder to lean my head on. Someone who'll listen to me rant about my lack of a lovelife. Or someone who'll just compete with me on whose life sucks more. They say you have the greatest friends when the only time they make you cry is when you're laughing so hard. That's what my friends are. It actually doesn't matter that none of them are like me, it just feels great being with them.

Any more uppers you can think of to help me? That'd be awesome.

Saturday, December 5, 2009


The week that went by, in a word, was crappy. From the confusion from the break up, to all the stress that's caused by my new job (can't even browse the web during office hours because of all the tasks needed to be done), and lastly having to go through a heartbreak three times over the course of the last five days.

The heartbreak came not in ending a relationship. The heartbreak is because we had to end a wonderful friendship. This was a mutual understanding because things got so complicated between the two of us. Until this, I never knew how difficult going through a real heartbreak is. Specially when you both decide to end it, not because you hate each other, but because you both love each other so much you need to give way for the other to be happy.

Losing a great friend is always harder than having to go through a break up. It may be only a temporary thing, but when that person occupied a huge part of your heart, it's devastating. But from the start, when we started the relationship, we agreed we will do what is right. And if letting go is what will make that person happy, then I will give way.

I'm an eternal optimist, and I'm sure in time, I will be fine. But these days, I feel that all my tomorrows will be gray.

If there ever was a thing that I regret about the whole thing last night, it's that I wasn't able to properly say goodbye. I didn't want to cry again, that's what I've been doing since Wednesday. I hope my friend will be reading this, because this is the best way for me to say goodbye.

Every moment I spent with you, no matter how light or how heavy our conversations were, no matter how drama, emo, cheesy or crazy they all were, every one of those I'll keep in my heart. You make me happy and I will never ever forget you. I will miss all the long talks, all the kwento, corny jokes and the games we play over the phone.

Although we decided to part ways for the meantime, I will always be your friend. I will be here whenever you need someone to talk to. I look forward to the day when everything will be clear and we can go back to the way we used to be. No complications, only genuine friendship.

I wish you nothing but happiness. With or without me, I hope life will be good. I want you to enjoy your life. And I look forward to the day when you find out what you want in your life, even if that does not include me. Don't think of how people will see you, just do what makes you happy. And may you find the person that will complete you.

Just remember, I will always love you. Don't worry too much about me, like I promised I will be okay. It may take some time, but I'll get there. We will get there.

Thank you that even for a short time, you shared your life with me.

I look forward until the time we meet again.


Thursday, December 3, 2009


This may sound abit like sourgraping, but it's not. But Engel wants to write something light again. Backreading this blog this past few days he's realized he's been writing heavy stuff. He needs to lighten up a bit. Bring back his old self. He doesn't want to be too depressing. People get that from school, work, news and he doesn't want bloghopping to be sad too.

So this post will be about the reason why Engel decided why it is better to have stayed single.

You see, Engel for most of the day is an optimist. He won't deny once PMS hits him, he'd sometimes think it's nice to be with a partner. But that doesn't mean he does not appreciate the alone time. He does. Remember, he broke up with his ex because he preferred to be alone. It's got it's perks too.

He wrote about this once. It may be redundant, but sometimes people need to reinforce the things in their lives that make them happy.

This is the first thing you lose once you decide to get hitched. You don't need to ask permission to go out with a friend. No need to tell someone what you're doing all the time. "I'm about to sleep. Eat. Go to work. I'm in the bus. I'm in the cab. Still in the cab. I'm about to start working. I'm going to pee. Take a crap. Whatever."

Not that Engel's stingy, because he's not. One time he spent alot of money to make the boy he likes happy (not in a sugar daddy kind of way, really). But it's nice to have your money for yourself. Not that the dates were expensive, they only ate out at Jollibee every breakfast. Dates are nice, and picking out gifts for the partner is even nicer, but sometimes it's also great to have money so you could buy that nice pair of shoes you've been drooling over for the last few months.

It's been two hours and Engel can't think of anything more. He knows there's more. And there probably is. But he decided he'll just do a part two some other time.

On a different note, Engel's been stressing out the past two days (because of an entirely different reason which now is not the right time to be telling). The problem is, he can't find a person to tell it to. And it's giving him a huge migraine. He was good at separating his work and personal problems, but yesterday was the breaking point.

He's been making decisions by himself and maybe that's why he's making mistakes. He finds it difficult not having someone to talk to who understands.

So for what it's worth, Engel wants to take this time to thank Ternie for listening yesterday and giving sound advise. Appreciate it. A lot.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


Maybe he's been unfair. Maybe he was a jerk. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he doesn't deserve to be loved. But as of right now, Engel isn't ready for a relationship. He's not Mr. Right. Just Mr. Right Now.

Funny indeed that just a few months ago he was all ready to be in a relationship, but when the commitment came, things changed. He longed for solitude. He felt pressured. He felt something wasn't right.

Yeah, quitting may be the harshest thing to do, he could always try to reciprocate the love. And he would, but the thing is, Engel realized that at that moment, at this time, he's still not ready to give up the freedom that being single gives.

You can always say you're ready, but it's really different when you're there. Maybe that's what happens when you just jump into something you're not sure of. When you don't think. You think you're ready, but you realize you're not. It was fun. But then you realize that it's not enough. You realize that love's not all it's hyped up to be. That it takes alot of work, and you need to be fully committed. And questions begin to rise. Do you really love him? Are you giving enough? Are you really able to commit fully? Will you make your partner happy?

All he knows is, it didn't feel right. The decision to give up is not easy. It's never easy. You're the one who'll break a heart. People will think you're the bad guy. The reasons wouldn't be easy to understand, and there is a chance you'll end up regretting your decision.

But to be honest, Engel thinks that it is the right thing to do.

So yeah, he's single again. And it may be awhile before he commits again. If there would even be someone who'd think he's deserving to be loved.

Sunday, November 29, 2009


It's never an easy thing.

Writing about it is much harder.

After four weeks, I broke it off. More like I requested for a cooling period.

Most of you'd be curious as to I why changed my mind when I was really in love with him in previous posts. That feeling was actually genuine. It was real. It was true.

I never doubted for a second how much he loved me. He makes sure that I know that everyday. When we're together, even if we're not. And I loved him for that. I was happy.

Sadly, the memories of the old me came lingering. It wanted to have some time alone. To be free. It felt contained. Pressured. And I realized that I am unable to give back everything he gives.

It would be unfair for him if I continue with this. I thought it would be better to break his heart while he still loves me, rather than end it because he's already sick of my inability to love him back. I love him, and I thought that was the best thing to do. I don't want to hurt him, but I feel that if I go on with it, I'll be hurting him even more. He probably hates me now.

I'm probably going regret this one of these days, but I think for now, this would be the best thing to do. I don't think I'll be in a relationship for a little while after this. I think the problem is me. I need to figure what I want much better before I enter into this again.

Cooling off. Breaking up. It's never an easy thing. Someone's bound to have a broken heart.

Friday, November 27, 2009


Engel's not on blog hiatus.

This is the first time he's had a long weekend in some time.

So he's doing what a decent yuppy does during these times.

He sleeps.

A lot.

And plays with his Xbox.

And sleeps some more.

And tries to catch up on Pinoy Big Brother.

He doesn't have alot of money anymore to go out on dates.

So Engel apologizes for not being able to bloghop these days.

He's just making the most out of his vacation.

And again, he's not on hiatus.

Not yet anyway, he's scared Rudeboy'll skin his parrot!

Monday, November 23, 2009


Reasons why Engel hasn't written anything in days:
  • Busy with his love life.
  • Busy playing Assassin's Creed 2, Dragon Age and Fallout 3.
  • Finally, getting busy at work.
  • Writer's block.
  • Lack of sleep during the weekends.
  • He's still contemplating whether to delete this blog or not.
  • Stress from work.
  • He realized his posts are shallow. As in really shallow. Most of the time.
  • He's laying low again because someone's stalking him again.
  • Maybe he's just tired.
There are so many things Engel wants to say, but he can't find the words to type in. Maybe he should start writing about sex.


Thursday, November 19, 2009


Let's lay down all the cards with this post. Engel will tell you everything he thinks you need to know about him. He knows there's no such thing as a perfect boyfriend, but he thinks he's not really good at being in a relationship. He's not that bad, but he's not all there.

He may not always remember when your anniversary is or occassionally forget that you have a weekend date on a particular Saturday or Sunday. It's not that he purposely forget these things, it's just he's brain damaged. His mind gets easily occupied of trivial stuff that sometimes he forgets the really important things. Be patient with him and oftentimes, he will make up for it with really awesome sexy time (just kidding). But he will make up for it.

If he doesn't talk too much during dates, it's not that he's bored or anything. He's just really quiet. That's why he prefers really talkative people to balance out his being quiet all the time. But he does listen. He will remember everything you said, specially if he thinks it's important. From time to time he will surprise you. He could be spontaneous too, you know. You just need to open yourself up a little. He will really appreciate that.

He doesn't prefer public displays of affection, seeing how he is. You're likely only going to receive gifts during special occassions (birthday, anniversary, Christmas). He's not going to bombard you with I Love You's or I Miss You's nor will he baby talk with you all the time. He was used to the single life, and sometimes cuddling could be uncomfortable for him. He's not saying you have to get used to that, he's still learning. He may be 27, but that doesn't mean he knows everything. He's screwed up all his past relationships, but he is trying to change. It may take a long time, but he'll get there.

Sometimes he just doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut when it comes to his opinions. Oftentimes he delivers inappropriate jokes, and there's a chance that he could be a jerk. He's not spoiled, but he is an only child, so the tendency of him being a brat is kind of high. Sometimes he will be naive, unless you tell him, he wouldn't have a clue that you need/want something. He mostly jokes around, and alot of those times, he doesn't mean it. He just wants to make you smile, but if it doesn't work, or you're offended, he knows how to apologize.

This is not to say that you have to deal and get used to Engel's imperfections. He's just saying be patient with him. He's still learning. He's not that experienced in this kind of relationship. He's lived his life mostly on his own, and is still getting used to the idea of being with someone. But this imperfect boyfriend loves you. And he will love you. Always.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


These past few days, I've been thinking whether to delete this blog or to continue writing.

I created this for the sole purpose of anonimity. To write freely because nobody knows who I am. This has changed recently, either voluntarily or not. Not that I don't like people finally knowing who I really am (specially those who've been following my straight blog), but just like Ternie said on one of our conversations, bloggers are smart people and should not be underestimated.

Thankfully, those who know respect me enough to not spread the truth among other bloggers (not that everyone's interested). Anyway, with people knowing, the purpose of this blog has become moot. Not everyone knows who I am, but I guess I'm just being careful because if this spills out, I not only have blogfriends who read my other home. Family as well as friends who don't know the truth about me will know. And I don't really think I'm ready to announce that to the world yet.

Xtian did make a point earlier, when we were chatting, which actually got me thinking twice about making the decision. If it weren't for this blog then I wouldn't have met the people I've met. I've also said before that in creating this blog I'm actually looking forward to meeting people like me. Men who have a secret to protect, and I've achieved that goal by a hundredfold. I even met someone I love here. So throwing it all away to start something new would be stupid.

If ever I make that decision to end this blog it would really be hard. Please don't think I don't value the people I've met here, because I do. I appreciate all the help, all the advise, all the interactions I've had with the wonderful bloggers in this side of the blogosphere.

But before you react violently, let me tell you something about Engel's other personality/blog. Before creating this new home, he actually said goodby twice. But that blog up until now, is still active.

Who knows, right?

Monday, November 16, 2009


If Engel is not updating as often as he wanted to be, that would be because he's currently addicted to playing Dragon Age Origins on his XBox.

This weekend he spent most of his bonus buying original dvd's and xbox games. That's his Christmas gift to himself. Oh, and he bought a pair of shoes from his friend. Because said friend is strapped for cash and Engel does not know how to say no.

He bought an original copy of Dragon Age Origins and Tekken 6.

Tekken 6 just like it's predecessors look awesome. The gameplay's familiar and just everything about it is just as Engel remembered. He missed playing Jin, Eddie, Nina Williams, Xiaoyu, Hwoarang and every other player in the game. Brings back memories of high school.

It really would be better if he's playing with someone, but hey playing solo's fine as well. He needs to unlock some of the secret characters (if there are any) anyway. Plenty of things to do.

Dragon Age is an RPG in the same vein of Mass Effect, but instead of space, the game is set in ancient times. When dragons roamed the world. It's actually quite addicting. You'd want your character to continuously level up because that will unlock alot of the character's other abilities.

Just like Mass Effect, the game makes you choose your dialogue and may have an effect on where the story will go to. But he's only played the game for a little more than two hours. Still have alot to explore.

This game reminds him a little of The Lord of the Rings.

Engel's actually excited to buy Assassin's Creed 2 that'll be coming out this week.

Engel also bought pirated versions of Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2, Wet, Fight Night 4, Fallout 3, Street Fighter 4, and Borderlands. He's now looking for a copy of Brutal Legend. People say that it's actually very good.

Can anyone point Engel to the right direction where he could buy that title?

This weekend, Engel also bought a copy of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Star Trek and Up. All three of which were some of Engel's favorite summer popcorn flicks.

He has yet to see them though. Been busy with the parties, meet-ups and video games that took most of his weekend off.

That's it for now. Engel's still sleepy. Weekends are supposed to let people get enough sleep, but this past few ones, he's barely slept at all. His eyebags are getting bigger and bigger, and pimples are one by one popping out of his face.

Can't wait for the US Thanksgiving Holiday. That would mean he could finally get that well deserved sleep.

Friday, November 13, 2009


Being young sometimes meant being stupid.

Engel during his late teens/early twenties was experimental. He wanted to experience things that he's never done before. That actually meant frequenting the mIRC chatrooms (Ternie, the technology is not that old, and I think it still exist).

During the early years of Engel's sexperimental stage, MMS and colored cellular phones weren't invented yet (and even when it did, only the coño kids had that). Anyway, so pic exchange before eyeballs weren't done yet. So the basis for him and his partners to meet would be the voice on the other end of the line. Fortunately, Engel had or has (?) a great voice on the phone. Add that he knew how to flirt effectively back then that he was able to hook up with guys people would consider as a good catch.

So every once in awhile, Engel would be lucky enough to be asked out either on a date or an eyeball. Whatever happens after is dependent as to how the meet up went. Engel's had plenty of indiscretions when he didn't know any better. Unfortunately, not alot of his trysts weren't successful.

Engel barely remembers alot of the people he's met up with. Only a few people did register in his mind because it was either really awesome or effin' bad. So this post is about the latter. Reminders of Engel's bad dates.

Okay, obviously this wasn't the guy's name. You know how people like to use false names to impress the prospect. Well, Iñaki used that one. He said he was from Ateneo, fair, lean and that he's in his early 20's. Over the phone, the guy actually sounded okay. His english wasn't as proficient as you'd expect from an Atenean but he could talk in straight english if you don't mind the grammatical errors every other sentence.

So anyway, the guy was sweet and was sensible enough that Engel got interested to meet up. Then when the day came that Engel and Iñaki saw each other, Engel's jaw dropped. Iñaki is actually in yuckie! Well he is fair. But he also never outgrew the pimples stage of his youth. He had piercing all over his face, and he definitely didn't look Atenean. He looked like a really dirty mestizo, whatever that means.

During that time, Engel was still a little more presentable (meaning he looked less stressed out). So the date actually found him suitable. Yuckie actually wanted to display affection in the middle of Sbarro back then. But the writer resisted. Yuckie definitely wasn't Engel's type. So Engel ate quickly, while the date was still finishing his meal, Engel excused himself to go to the johns, but went for the exit.

Engel was a huge ass back then.

Straight off the bat, Ryan only wanted sex. And when Engel met Ryan, he was kinda in the mood to indulge. Since they actually live in neighboring villages, Engel decided he will go.
So at 2 in the morning, Engel sneaked out of the house to meet up. The bad thing about sending messages during midnight is you get your little head do the thinking and not factor in everything else. So when he arrived at Ryan's house, he was surprised at who welcomed him.

You see Engel forgot to ask for Ryan's details. Height. Weight. Looks. He let his dick point the directions, and the destination was hell. Ryan was an obese fag who looked like a ninja turtle. Engel was trapped. He can't back out anymore. So he got pulled in.

Ryan tried to kiss Engel on the lips. It may have been oily. Since Ryan was much bigger than Engel, he wasn't able to do anything with the guy's groping and kissing. When Engel's shorts were pulled down, nothing came up. Engel's other head was limp. Ryan ordered the writer to get his hard, but it never happened.

When Engel couldn't take the harassment anymore, he pulled up his pants and left.

This is already a long post. Engel still have a few stories to tell. But it will be for another time. But for now, this will have to do.

Engel is not promiscuous. He's had quite a number of epic failed meet ups that it traumatized him. His trysts period did not last very long.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Hindi naman mahirap iyon. Mababaw lang ako. Hindi ko kailangan na dalhin sa pinakamalalayo't pinakamagagandang lugar sa mundo, basta alam kong gusto ako ng kasama ko, nasa langit na ako.

Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Hindi ako guwapo. Hindi ako matipuno. Hindi ako matalino. Okay, matalino ako ng kaunti. Hindi rin ako maghahangad ng mga ganung tao. Basta ba tanggap mo ang mga topak ko, ang puso ko'y iyung-iyo.

Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Hindi ko kailangan ng mamahaling regalo. Hindi ako maghahangad na ipakilala mo sa mundo. Hindi mo nga kailangang araw-araw kausapin ako. Basta hawak ko ang mga kamay mo, maligaya na ako.

Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Hindi mo kailangang gustuhin ang mga pinagkakaabalahan ko. Hindi nga kita kukuliting basahin ang mga sinusulat ko. Hindi din kita pipiliting mahalin ang mga mahal ko. Basta papasukin mo ako sa mundo mo, okay nako.

Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Hindi ako perpektong tao. Ako'y nagkakamali. Natutukso. Nabuburaot. Nababato. May pagka-ugaling manyakis din ako. Pagalitan mo man ako, basta ba kakampihan mo ako, pipilitin kong kahit papano'y magbago.

Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Ipakita mong interesado ka. Iparamdam mong mahal mo ako. Yun lang ang kailangan mong gawin, mahuhulog na ako. Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako.

Engel wanted to write something different. He needs to make up for the five days that he's been gone from his blog. He's not being emo, nor does this post mean anything. But the words have been running in his head since this morning.

Engel doesn't write in Filipino very often. He has another venue for these kinds of posts. But he just wants to do something new.

Engel sucks at poetry, and this is his lame attempt at writing one.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


It's been awhile, eh?

Please don't think that Engel hasn't been posting because of his newfound love. Oh no. He's got alot of ideas running in his mind right now about things he should write about. He's got rough drafts of some things he wants to talk about (not necessarily about his lovelife), but just can't finish, or when he reads the post back, the execution of the post is not as great as he intended it to be so he just deletes the whole thing.

He doesn't want to write about his love life, because apparently, Beki finds it nauseating. Don't take that seriously please, that's just a joke. All Engel wants is World Peace and a kick-ass home entertainment system.

Now he doesn't want to write about anything else going on in his life because frankly it's boring. Other than his lovelife nothing significant is happening in his life. Well, there's actually one thing but that's a post that will be written in the far future. Way far into the future. Like 2-3 years into the future.

He could write about sex, but that's something he promised never to do, whether it's in this blog or on another. He doesn't kiss and tell. He wants to though. Maybe he should create another new blog. For those kinds of posts. And this time make it really anonymous, and cross his fingers that that one really sticks.

Or maybe he could repost some of his old works here just to see if his posts back in the days would still be applicable now. But then again, alot of his good posts have been reposted already, on his multiply, myspace even in his same old blog. He doesn't want this blog to be home of his former posts. He wants this to have all new posts.

Then there's Joy. Engel is always fond of writing about Joy. He's not in love with the guy anymore, it's just posts about Joy tend to be easy and light and comfortable. But he doesn't want a certain someone to get jealous. We're just friends.

What to write? What to write?

Writer's block. Wikipedia defines this as a condition, in which the author loses the ability to produce new work. Yeah, right writer's block his ass. Engel's probably still in love. Yeah Beki, you can go ahead and puke. =)

Thursday, November 5, 2009


This is not a cheese post. Not entirely.

Recently, Engel's been scouring youtube to find videos of Vice Ganda. He's seen the stand-up comic on tv and he's really impressed. But his live shows are just hilarious. Engel's mother almost dialed the mental institution to have her son picked up because he just can't stop laughing whenever he remembers scenes from clips posted online. Have you seen the one with JJ Helderbrand (spellcheck please)? That was comedy gold.

Last weekend, Engel hit another low when it comes to his comic book expenses. Believe it or not, Engel bought P4000 worth of comic books in just one purchase. That's a month's worth of comic books in one day. Darn you Marvel and DC for your Blackest Nights and Old Man Logans and all your expensive comic books!!!

Engel have been hearing some things about what people have been saying about his blog. He's flattered that some people have taken interest in his blog, as well as it's writer. But he thinks it's not really well-deserved. He admits, what he's hearing gives him a little ego boost, but that also means he's just setting up people for a huge disappointment.

He thinks Engel's barely anonymous anymore. He knows at least three people who's already know of his other personality. There's probably more, but you know what, that's fine.

By the way, last night Engel saw ABS-CBN's latest Station ID plug, and the whole time he was keeping his tearducts in check. The message was really moving. He knows that this has been a hard year for us Filipinos, specially those who were hit by all the typhoons that menaced the country. Engel especially loved the song. It was really nice and very appropriate for the season.

Engel and his beau's planning to spend Saturday at his home. Incidentally, that day's his father's birthday.

Now his parents have been noticing that he's a bit blooming these past few days. He spends most of the day inside his room instead of in front of the computer, so they smelled something fishy with their son.

Anyway, forgetting the event on Saturday asked his parents to cook something special on that day. His father then asked if Engel's bringing a girl on his birthday. He actually asked Engel when he plans to have a family and give him a grandson/daughter.

"Good luck" was all he could say. "I'm bringing home a guy friend."

And now some more relatives from the province will be visiting as well on that day. Fuck!!!

Let's see what will happen then. It's gonna be screwed up.

"Mahal, thank god for our breakfast dates."

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


To be honest, before when I read fellow bloggers (whether from my straight blog friend or here) write about meeting the one, falling in love, or being happy with their relationships, I get jealous. Sometimes I wish they fell in love with me. I don't know these bloggers, but when you read the words they utter because of what their hearts dictate, you can't help but get attracted. The guy/girl they liked are lucky. I wished it was me.

A few weeks back I posted longing to write about my love life while I'm in the middle of that love life. I didn't think it would happen so soon. Not that I'm not happy that finally God gave me something I've been praying for since I discovered St. Jude, because I am. I'm very happy. I have nothing more to ask for.

But it happened very fast, what we have, and I'm lying if I say that I'm not worried about us. Most of my failed relationships were whirlwind romances, and this one is almost the same. We exchanged messages, had a long phone conversation, exchanged social networking site addresses, and before we knew it we were calling each other 'mahal.'

I really want this to be different. God knows I want this to work out. I want him to be my last.

I've been single for the longest time in my life, and honestly I really am not familiar anymore how to do this. How to be a good boyfriend. Should I say this? Should I do that?

Meeting up with him this morning was really terrifying for me. Our first 'date' and I'm not going to make a good impression to him. I looked lousy. My face was oily, my hands sweaty. I didn't sleep long the day before. We ate at Jollibee, and as much as I'd like to hold his hand earlier, we were both scared we're showing public display of affection. I thought this is it, he'll change his mind about me.

I need help. I honestly don't know what I'm doing. I'm not doubting this relationship. I trust him. I love him. I just wish he would be patient with me because I don't think I'll ever be a perfect boyfriend. I'm pretty sure there will be days I will totally fuck up. That I'll be really messed up. But I hope he will understand. I hope he will still stay. And that he'll love me just as much as I do him.

I jumped into this relationship because every voice inside my head is telling me to just run ahead. Just do it. He is worth the risk.

I hope I'm worth his.

Monday, November 2, 2009


to wake up every morning to your I love you's.

to talk to you everyday before i go to sleep and before I go to work.

for making up after a petty quarrel about forgetting our anniversary.

to go out on dates with you.

for you to meet my family, and me yours.

for our out of town trips.

to make our relationship last longer than the longest ones we had.

to cuddle up with you during cold nights.

to share an umbrella with you when we go out.

to talk to you even if the words coming out of our lines are 'uhmm', 'ha', and 'ano'.

to kiss you, to hug you and to just be with you.


Today marks the day Engel ends his single days. He's finally in a relationship. It may have been a whirlwind relationship, but they both agreed that they'll make things work. He knows Engel. Engel knows him.

He likes it. Engel loves him.

He prays that he's the one, and this time it will work.

Sunday, November 1, 2009


Engel has long ago accepted the fact that he's missed on alot of things that young people often enjoy. When he was younger, he didn't go bar hopping, unplanned out of town trips, fooling around with strangers, promiscuity, wild crazy things that young people do.

He's not saying he's old. He's only 27. Barely in the prime of his life. But because he was too focused on his job so much when he was younger, he forgot to live.

You see ever since he started school, he's actually become more of an introvert. He's often aloof when strangers are around. He can't initiate small talk. He's basically shy. So even if his friends thought he was cool to hang around with, they oftentimes assume that Engel wouldn't be comfortable going with them to places they'll be treading. And he probably won't, but he felt it would've been nice to be asked.

Now that he's shifted his career, and his responsibilities aren't as heavy as when he held a higher position at work, he decided to balance his work and his life. While his current schedule does not permit him to have a normal social life, he makes sure that during his free time on weekends, if he is invited to go out with his friends, he will.

That's what he did tonight. He went to a restaurant in Makati, then to a bar in Ortigas. Makati was fine. It wasn't as crowded as he expected. People probably didn't feel the need to go out because of the storm the previous evening. The dinner was great. He met a few new people and hung out with some good friends he haven't seen in a long time.

But when he went to Ortigas, the mood was totally different. Instead of yuppies enjoying the weekend, the bar they went to was crowded with college students looking for a cool place to hang out after partying a few hours before. The place was loud, booming with music he's never accustomed to. At that instant he felt old. Like he doesn't belong.

Engel likes to hang out. He's been to Embassy before. When Temple was still open in Greenbelt, he'd be seen there with his friends. He's even braved Decades in his lonesome. But this was the first time he really felt like a wallflower. This isn't his crowd anymore.

He's grown up. He'd rather hang out and have coffee and long talks rather than drink alcohol and dance. He actually didn't even drink beer this evening, he only had a couple of iced teas.

Then he thought, this is the life Christian lives right now. Can he go with this kind of pace if he decides to pursue something with the kid other than friendship? Does he even fit in anymore with this kind of crowd? Why the hell is he thinking of Christian right now when there are a whole gaggle of eye candies moving back and forth where he was sitting? And why does he feel he's not that young anymore? Why did he even allow himself to miss out on these things before?

At 27, Engel knows he has to start acting his age. But then again he's just making up for the things he's missed while he was too busy growing up.

Friday, October 30, 2009


Three months.

That's how old this blog is.

And in that whole time, I have been sharing things about my life that I wasn't able to when I was still writing for my other blog. It's liberating. I like that I could be myself and not worry that people will judge me.

I opted not to share with my old blog friends this new home because honestly even if I have acquainted myself with alot of them, the truth is, I really don't know those people. I've been writing as a straight guy for years. Some of them have even rooted for me when I blogged about me courting or dating someone. I can't tell those people that I wasn't totally honest.

When I started this blog, I initially decided to just keep it to myself, let other bloggers who are like me find this one out to avoid having people from my other home read about this. I doubt that they'll be able to recognize my style as it is 180 degrees different from the way I write before. There have been times that those people stumble here, others just passed by, some stayed. And then there are those whom I still followed confident they won't really recognize who I was. But then there are days that I slip up. Commenting as the new guy but writing as the old me. Signs that I'm growing older.

In the three months of Engel's existence, I've met alot of wonderful people. I have learned alot. I wouldn't be sharing my challenges, my problems and my experiences if I feel that I'm not gaining anything from it. Some of things I've learned may have given me regrets in some of the decisions I've made. But no matter, what's important is I understand things better and I appreciate this alternative lifestyle a bit more.

And for that I thank everyone who's followed. Commented. Visited. Those who said I was interesting. Those who unfollowed. Those who hopped and never came back. Those who asked to exchange links but did not do their end of the bargain. Basically everyone who bumped into this little site of mine and found it worth a glimpse, a read and eventually worth coming back to. I am humbled and I appreciate all of you. I hope I'll be able to meet you in person.

I said I'll write only in bits and pieces, but I think I've shared too much already. I don't really know what to tell anymore.

There are still alot of things I'm eager to learn. I want to discover. This blog will be a part of it. I hope you will be too.

Three months. I've enjoyed the ride so far.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


Reading back through the last post, Engel realized that there's probably something wrong with him. It may further prove that he might possibly be straight. It's actually annoying as he sometimes tell people that he's looking for 'the one'. But when a prospect comes along he's the first one running away from it.

Look at it this way. He cut his ties with one guy because he felt that that guy was only in it for the sex. Once he let go of a suitor because he started getting addicted to Final Fantasy 12. He stopped seeing a doctor who liked him because he thought the doctor wouldn't have time for him. He broke up with his officemate because he felt that the boy was too clingy, demanding and immature. And now, he decided to just be friends with this kid because he's well, a kid.

All of them crappy excuses. Bullshit.

Anyone would try to work things out if they felt there's something worth taking a risk. They'd even appreciate that someone fell for them. But not Engel. He'd push those who are getting close to him away. He analyzes things thinking it could be better when it's probably making things worse.

Engel didn't know why he did those things. He says one thing but does the opposite.

He didn't know why.

But it could be he does now.

Probably the reason why he does all those things.

Is because he's commitment-phobic.

Or he's just an idiot.

What do you think?

Monday, October 26, 2009


One of the rules I've set upon myself in terms of the people I pursue is to not fall for boys much younger than I am. This weekend I broke that rule.

I met Chris last Saturday night and we had a pretty lengthy phone conversation. He's 19 years old, a student and he said that at that moment he was straight. He has a girlfriend, but he was curious about an alternative lifestyle. So he had a few questions which wasn't uncommon for me because when I was the same age those were the questions I was asking myself.

So while being an older brother to the young padwan, I accidentally got the guy to fall for me. Towards the end of the conversation, things turned to something unexpected. He got confused. I'm sure when we started talking he was pretty confident about his sexuality, but by the end not only did I have him question his sexuality, I also made him fall for me. Worse, I fell for the kid.

I have had a bad experience with a kid. I was 23, he was 18 or 19. We rushed into the relationship because we liked how our conversation over the phone. It ended a couple of weeks later with the kid telling me that I have no knowledge of the word love. That was when I said no more kids. And I was doing pretty well. Until now.

Sunday morning I received a message from Chris telling me that he wasn't fully honest with all the details he gave me the night before. He was actually supposed to set me up with his friend as a prank. He said he didn't expect to feel how he felt for me. That wouldv'e been cue for me to let the kid go. But he said he was being honest because he wants to start things right between us.

Last night we had another conversation. I got to know him better. I liked him more, but I noticed he may not really be ready for this kind of lifestyle. I think I was actually pushing him to pursue me.

Anyway I woke up today feeling guilty about what I did last night. I was taking advantage of his confusion. That's not right. In the end, if I pursue the matter, he'd probably end up hating me. If it did work out, I probably would've had him half-baked. Whatever happens I think in the end one of us would end up with a broken heart.

Maybe I was thinking that if I did pursue him, given his situation, he's going to be my responsibility and I may not be ready to have to carry that burden.

This morning I said goodbye. It's probably the right thing to do. I just hate that it feels so wrong.

I did the right thing. Right?

Saturday, October 24, 2009


Once in a man's life, there's a person that will come in, not to make us fall. Not to make us believe that love exist. Not to give us butterflies in our stomachs. But someone who will excite us. Turn us on. Make us do crazy things. Not because we're in love. But because of infatuation. Lust, perhaps. Raging hormones. For Engel, Jason was that person.

It was just the end of Engel's first semester during his last year in college when he met Jason. He was bored doing nothing at home. Back then, cable television chatrooms were getting really popular, specially for boys interested in boys. Engel would often stay up late so he could find a number that he could text just to see if someone interesting would come along.

When he sends his number to the show, he often gets hordes upon hordes of text messages looking for hook-ups, phone games invites and desperate old gays willing to pay for Engel's services (not that he was asking for one). But he'd turn them all down. Because back then, he was still naive, and he was actually hoping to find 'the one' through that channel.

There were those who are decent and nice when you text them, but when you finally get to speak to them, they'd throw away any kind of phone foreplay and immediately demand to have phone fun with him (which he does not do, by the way). Then there are those who'd sound nice at first but then would not stop sending sexually explicit sms the next day. Engel has raging hormones, but he prefers doing it live and not via sms, chat or through the phone. So most of the people he meets there were epic fails.

Then one weekend, he received a message from this guy named Jason. It was days prior to Engel's posting his number, so Jason immediately got his attention. The two immediately clicked. They thought they had alot of things in common. Jason was an honor student from UP, Engel was a Dean's Lister. Jason loves to write fictional love stories, Engel likes to write garbage. Jason came from a political family, while Engel's cousin is a Barangay Captain in one of the towns in his mother's province. Jason said he was good looking, while Engel said he's presentable. And Jason said he's in it to find a relationship, that's one thing they both agreed on. So when Jason asked Engel for his home number, without hesitations he replied with it.

Jason's sms's were impressive enough, but when Engel heard his voice over the phone, literally his heart melted. He not only sounded great on the phone, you'd actually hear his intelligence. He talks like Chiz Escudero minus all the bullcrap that comes out of his mouth and sounds like a very well modulated radio jock from Magic or RX. And guess what, like Engel, the boy is not interested in phone fun.

They'd talk on the phone for hours about nothing, and at one time they even both fell asleep while they're still with each other on the phone. Things were getting really great two days after they met that they decided to meet each other in person.

Jason made it quite clear that he goes for the really great looking people, so Engel knew his chances with him is kaput. Engel just got over his first heartbreak during the time he met this guy, so he thought he's not going to take things seriously, unless it's Jason who initiates. Anyway, before anything else, just to be clear, it doesn't mean that just because both boys did not feel the whole SOP thing, that they don't talk about sexual things. They do. And the reason that they actually wanted to meet was because Jason wanted to see Engel's straight porn collection.

It was a Wednesday afternoon when they finally saw each other for the first time. Engel's jaw literally dropped. The boy he met was not just a boy, he was Adonis. Great jaw, great height, big eyes, but it doesn't matter, he looks good. Yeah, Engel had no chance in hell to be this guy's beau. But no matter what, Engel thought, he's going to bed with Jason.

And they did. And apart from getting caught (that's another story), the deed was awesome. Engel, until now has not seen a wang as perfect as his. Engel was obsessed.

Obviously, Engel wasn't Jason's type so the deed was not repeated. Props to him though, as he didn't necessarily turn Engel down badly. The 'let's just be friends' card was played. Anyway the writer was obsessed. Engel knows the guy's full name. Even a year after their first meet up, when Engel changed numbers, he texted him again. Providing almost the same details only using a different name. It didn't bring as much spark as when they first texted each other, but the stalker was fine with that. Eventually because of the lack of spark, the interest died down immediately. Not wanting to give up, another year later, he gave it another try. The third time was the worst, nothing between them clicked.

Engel found him the other day while he was browsing through facebook. He's still a god. He even looks better now. Great tan. Even greater body (killer six pack). I think he's hooking up with women now, seeing the pictures posted. But then again, that could be just a front.

Jason's facebook profile is being contemplated whether to be added on his favorites list. But then again other people at home use his computer. He changed his number now, six or seven years later. So now the writer's thinking if he'd want to act like a loser that he used to be.

Nah. Engel's too awesome to stoop that low again.

Thursday, October 22, 2009


This is part 2 of the Geek Series.

Living in a village where most of your neighbors/playmates are well-off could be pretty sad for a kid like Engel.

While his dad was an Overseas Filipino Worker, his parents didn't really have the budget to afford for him toys that are pricey. Yes, he could get away with the small action figures from time to time, but for video game consoles, that was a wish that was never granted. In fact, it was never even considered by his parents. Even after several attempted tantrum outbursts, it didn't work.

When Engel was about 5 years old, there was only one house with an Atari entertainment system. Unfortunately, the kids who owned those games weren't in his age bracket so he was never allowed to play any of the games. He wasn't even allowed to touch those games. He'd often just look while the kids play Pacman and Battle Ships. And more often than not, at night he would go home crying because he was scolded by their neighbor because he touched the joystick.

Two years later, a couple of neighbors finally bought a Nintendo Entertinment System and that hundred games in one family computer system. Fortunately, the kids were younger than Engel so he'd often pick on them so that he could play those games. Alot of different emotions came rushing through the young writer as he plays Super Mario, Adventure Island, Twin Bee, Circus Charlie, Duck Hunt, The '88 Olympics Game and all those old-school video games his neighbors had. He'd often sleepover his neighbor's house on the weekends so he could finish Level 1-2 of Super Mario 3.

If kids could be mean, there are some who could be really manipulative. They use their consoles as a bargaining chip so you could be "bati" with them, when you decide they're not fun to play with. They'd often crank their television sets to full volume while playing Contra until you come knocking on their door to beg for forgiveness. Children back then were cruel.

There was one time Engel's tantrums worked on his dad. Fifth grade, his father went home when the clan's patriarch died, and of course being the only one then who worked abroad in the family, Engel's father was obligated to shoulder a fraction of the overall expenses for the burial. Anyway, while in Duty Free, the son saw that Game Boys and Game Gears were sold for discounted prices, so the young Engel did not leave the stall until what he wanted was given. The parents were bargaining for a different toy instead, but Engel had enough of never having a video game device.

The moment he laid his hands on that black shiny colored handheld device, he told himself, never again. Seven months later, Geary (the name of his Game Gear) broke down and was never fixed again.

For his high school graduation gift, he asked all his relatives to pitch in so he can buy the original Sony Playstation console. And he did. At that time, Engel got so excited about the console he forgot that he had to attend the graduation ball at some posh hotel in Manila that evening. He was only reminded when his mom told him his cousin was already dressed to go to the party.

That was the time he was introduced to Role Playing Games like Final Fantasy, Chrono Cross, Suikoden and Parasite Eve. This was where most of his 'baon' would go to. A pirated copy of Resident Evil 1-3, Metal Gear Solid and Parappa the Rapper. He even bought himself the dance mat for Dance Dance Revolution.

His PS stayed with him for four years before passing it on to his cousins because he had to finally upgrade his console.

December of 2002. Last semester before he graduates. He already knows that he'll be graduating. And better news was that he was part of the Dean's Honors List that year so he demanded an upgrade. He asked his favorite Aunt if she could give him a few more pesos so he can finally buy a PS2 for Christmas. He actually had options back then, it's either that or a trip to Singapore. Seeing as if he chooses the trip, he'd have to work on processing a passport, he opted for the video game console.

While Engel's still not a seasoned gamer, he improved his gaming skills with this device. He learned to like shooting games more. He got addicted playing Resident Evil 4, Metal Gear Snake Eater, Dragon Quest, NBA Live and the rest of the Final Fantasy games. The graphics was much better, voiceovers are now possible, and the games are just much more awesome. He'd sometimes play these with his friends, but most of the time he plays games by himself.

2007 when he resigned from his company, he decided to sell the beloved console because he didn't have allowance anymore. He was out of work for four months.

2 XBOX 360'S
The first one, he bought September of '07. That was where his backpay from his previous company went to. He's been itching to buy one since he found out about the console. This was cheaper than the PS3 and looks slicker. The games also looked cooler and everything about Microsoft's console's just awesome.

During the summer of 08, Engel found himself jobless again. And this was his companion throughout that period. He'd play day and night video games like Grand Theft Auto IV, Elder Scrolls IV, Gears of War, Halo 3 and just about every pirated version of all the cool games released at that time. One time he was even complained to by his neighbors for playing war games at 2 in the morning (he had to crank his speakers to max volume when he plays his games). Unfortunately, after nine months of loyal service, the console died (3RLs). It almost got fixed, but a week later, the console died again.

So for his birthday this year, Engel bought another XBox. This is much better, because now he has two controllers, more games and a big screen tv. But he's taking good care of this one this time. He doesn't play alot anymore (well because he has work now), his hours of playtime isn't as unforgiving as before. He doesn't want what happens with his first console to happen to this one again.

But it does get tiresome playing videogames sometimes. Specially if you're playing games alone.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


Before going to sleep this morning, I found myself backreading on my old blog. I find it fascinating how much I grew up chronicling my life in my old abode. When I started posting stuff in the old blog, I was mostly ranting about how much my life sucked (that lessened as years went by). I rant about the dumbest things (my job, my age, my looks, my schedule). I think I wrote almost everything about my life in that blog.

But one thing I noticed is that even after I revealed alot about me in that blog, I was never really able to write while I was in a relationship. The blog's existed for quite awhile now, and I've been in a couple of relationships after I started writing, but I was not able to write about it while in the midst of that relationship.

I have written about failed dates. Successful dates. Getting turned down. Turning down someone. I've written about courting people. I have chronicled details about my exes. But I never wrote anything about my relationship while I'm with that person.

I haven't written about how I asked someone to be my partner. I never wrote about feeling anxious waiting for a call after a fight. I've never written sweet moments with my exes. I haven't posted about the petty reasons why we fought and what we did after we made up. I'll never write details about our awesome sexy times. I never wrote how I felt when we broke up. I just didn't write anything.

I don't know, maybe I was afraid people would find that I suck in relationships (not literally, well I do literally, sometimes, whatever you get the point). Maybe I was afraid that people would tell me I was the one at fault when we're fighting. Or maybe that people would find me 'mayabang' when I brag about how great a date went, while the rest of the blogosphere's suicidal because they're still single. I do know that when I was with somebody, I never really had the time to do anything else but focus most of my free time with that person.

Looking back, if I did write about the relationship, when we were having problems, maybe I could've saved it. Seeing how alot of readers were giving insights about what could be done to right a mistake, maybe it could've opened my eyes and and made me want to fight more for my partner's love. Maybe I wouldn't be single anymore. Who knows, right?

But this is not me whinging about the past. This is about looking forward. I created this blog so that I can write about things I was hesitant to post in my old home. I still wouldn't be posting about my sex life, but I'll still say if it was great or not. The point being I'll be writing without inhibitions.

Of course, before I write about those things, I'd need to find myself first a partner.

Before I get anymore comments about finding the one, let me be defensive and say this post is not about me looking for a partner. I am still fine with my current single status. I'm just saying that for me to be able to write what I haven't written before, I'd need to be in a relationship first.

I'm fine where I am right now. If someone does come along, then that's awesome. But at this moment, I couldn't ask for anything more.

Well, a digital slr camera would be great, and a Playstation 3.


Monday, October 19, 2009


It started Friday night when Engel was dismissed early last Friday night. While he did not push through with his plan to go to either Malate or a gay bar, he still did like how his weekend went.

He didn't have any sleep yesterday. After he went home early morning last Saturday, he blogged about it and then saw the latest episodes of Glee, Gossip Girl, How I Met Your Mother and Big Bang Theory, all of which were really awesome. But that's not the point of this post.

The best part of Engel's weekend was the afternoon of the same day. He went out with Joy.

It's been four months since Engel and Joy went out. He enjoys every man-date he has with the guy because the guy's fun to be around with. Engel's no longer in love with him, but that doesn't mean he can't look forward hanging out with Joy. He was a little disappointed though that Joy's on-again-off-again girlfriend was with him. Not that Engel dislikes the girl. He does, she's way more likeable than Joy's other ex. Way more likeable.

Anyway the reason for them seeing each other is as usual him being a good friend. Engel won't give any details of what he did, but let's just say he is really a good friend. Engel feels special around Joy, because he's really nice. The guy's kind of a homophobe (not the bad kind), but he's really comfortable whenever he's with the writer. Joy doesn't find it awkward asking about the author's lifestyle around other people. He's even willing to pretend to be a boyfriend (and no, the guy's not even bi-curious, not even a tripper). And one more thing, even if Engel's the third wheel, the attention's still most of the time his (she knows Engel's gay and at one time proposed to her man).

What's funny is Kate (the on-again-off-again girlfriend) points out alot of things the two of them have in common. Girls notice those little things that boys don't even care about, and the writer thinks those little things maybe the reason why they get along very well. They are both a little weird. Their hairstyle is practically the same. They walk the same way. They even talk in almost the same fashion.

They could've hung out longer, Joy wanted to, but Engel had to decline. They saw a movie and had coffee. But Engel still has to do his shopping.

Nevertheless, yesterday was still a day the author won't forget.

Engel always wanted a brother. Guess Joy was the answer to that prayer.

Saturday, October 17, 2009


Because of certain things (positive things) that transpired in the office last night, we were dismissed early by our boss. Now that's something that's rare, given my job. You see, with the type of work we do, we are required to fulfill our duties during the entirety of our workday. Anyway, I'm not going to talk about that. My job is boring and uninteresting. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, it's just something I wouldn't want to be blogging about. I did rant about my boss before, and that's because he's a stupid ass (thankfully I have a new boss).

Alright, going back to the topic, so what do young urban professionals do, when they find themselves free for the rest of the evening on a Friday night? Of course, we went Bible Studying!

No we did not.

We went to a karaoke bar. Got ourselves tipsy and sang all the stresses of the past six weeks away. But because of the place being not that affordable, and at 12:40am the night is still early, the group decided to change venues. Some people decided to go to a comedy bar up north, some to have coffee, others to join another group in a different karaoke bar. I didn't feel like going somewhere far from where I live. While waiting for a ride home, I was actually torn on where to go next.

Two places sounded really interesting for me then. Malate and a gay bar. I've never been to both (well I've been to Malate twice I think), and since I have the money and the time, I thought why not. I thought for once in my life, do something fun. Something spontaneous. Something you've never done before. Something different.

The gay bar was the first choice. Naked men with girating bodies in front of me sounds exciting. Besides White Bird is just one ride away from home so I won't have a problem going back to our house after. But then again, I'm not an old fag who's looking for a young stud to make his scholar. And I've been to a straight bar before and the experience was really not that nice. The main star was ugly, and there was no live show. What if that bar's the same. Only with men in it? And I've read that if you want to really enjoy your stay in a place like that, you have to be ready to shell out some serious dough. I won't have that. Plus, I was a little bit horny, and would extremely be disappointed if I go home empty handed.

So then I thought of Malate. I've been reading of bloggers hooking up in that place. Going wild. Flaunting their sexuality without fear of being discriminated at or making fun of. I've read of people tripping in male rest rooms. Giving and being given a blowjob just for the heck of it. Again, I was horny, this would be a place where I'd get lucky. But then I'm alone. If I failed on my quest to get laid, there'd be no one to pick me up. I mean I don't know the place. I don't know where the best bar is. Or where the best rest room to hook up with someone is. And that place, that place will be enjoyed much better if I am with friends. And no matter how nice some of things I've read about Malate is, I've also read of people getting mugged, stabbed or even killed. I'm not even dressed to party in a place like that.

I decided to take a cab home.

I think I'm not yet ready for that kind of lifestyle. Being a boring introvert, I probably wouldn't have enjoyed the experience if I went there.

One day, I'll be spontaneous. I'll let the other head do thinking. Who knows, right?

Maybe next time.

Thursday, October 15, 2009


I was in the middle of writing this long anecdote about me being torpe when I got tired.

I got tired of thinking of something to write.

You see I'm stressing over stuff at work and other things. That I don't want this, the only thing I'm passionate about, to be another cause for stress.

So borrowing the style from the book of The Closet Geek, I thought to keep it short and simple.

When you're tired of being single. When you're tired of watching happy couples inspite of the troubles of their relationships. Would you settle for a guy who's been throwing himself at you, when you know you can do... you deserve someone better?

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


Once upon a time, Engel was a bonafide straight guy. He dated girls and even had the balls to enter into relationships with them. Well, he actually only had two. None of which lasted longer than a year. Half, he didn't even take seriously. This post is about that half.

Engel met Apple through a high school classmate back when he was still in college. Back then, he was trying to fit in with the crowd. Almost everyone from his class during his sophomore year was already in a relationship, or is courting somebody. He wouldn't have that so he thought he'd join the girlfriend bandwagon.

He hooked up with his high school classmate who's got a treasure trove of female friends. He was introduced to the girl who his former schoolmate thought would get along very well with Engel. Apparently, his classmate thought high of him and was paired with this beautiful girl.

Apple was really pretty. She's highly intellectual and above all, she talks alot. Someone Engel would really like to hangout with because he's the total opposite. He didn't take the pair up lightly because he really wanted to have a girlfriend at that time. So he did what he does best. He modulated his voice and totally made himself sound like an Amboy. It may have been the innocence that came with age but she bought it.

Anyway two weeks after meeting each other they became an item. That was the second time they saw each other. He won her over by forwarding sweet quotes and at one time singing to her over the phone. Of course they were constant textmates and phone friends. But because of their busy schedule they weren't able to see each other. They only communicate through text. But the dates became non-existent. One month of nothing but forwarded messages, occassional how are you's and phone flirtation. So instead of moving the relationship forward, it was growing backwards.

They tried to work things out, but when things aren't meant to be, it just won't. So the second official date that Engel and Apple had became their last. They broke up.

Engel wonders now what became of the girl. If things worked out with Apple, this day would've been their 9th year anniversary. Engel probably wouldn't be worrying about getting exhausted of being single. But then he'd be living a lie.

Engel is reminiscing because he remembered this day. On October 13, he became a girl's boyfriend. She wasn't the first, and she wasn't really that special. But she was the last remnant of the days when he treaded the straight path.

Sunday, October 11, 2009


For someone who lives an alternative lifestyle but haven't openly outed himself yet, it's difficult to find real friends. Friends you can really trust. I found out early that people like me could sometimes be cruel and you can't fully put your trust on the guys who may truly understand.

With my experience, specially after college, it was the gay crowd who ridiculed me. Maybe it was so I won't have to pretend anymore. I don't know. I wouldn't normally have a problem saying what I am when asked of my sexuality. But they didn't have to force it out on people, because they may not be ready yet. It's all about respect.

Anyway, naturally I found myself hanging out with the straight crowd more. There may have been things we wouldn't agree on, but we found we have a lot of things in common.

Thing is, befriending the straight guy (and I mean being really good friends and not just close acquaintances) isn't without it's risk. It's not hard. What's difficult is maintaining it, especially if you decide to out yourself to them. There maybe people who'll see that as a betrayal of their trust (specially if after outing yourself, you declare your love for them).

So I thought why not write my rules for being friends with straight men. My Bro Code.
  • The easiest way of ruining a brotherhood is falling in love with your straight friend.
  • Never mistake a friend's nice gesture as a sign that he's possibly for you. If he's nice to you, he's probably that way with everyone else.
  • Once you've established that the two of you are really good friends, sooner or later you'll have to tell him the truth about yourself.
  • But make sure that when you do, you have to be sure that he could really be trusted.
  • Do not lie to your straight friend. If you haven't outed yourself yet, and you're talking sexcapades, you can be vague. Not too much information, but just enough so you could brag about something too.
  • Once you've outed yourself, be sure that you're prepared to understand that he may not accept what you really are.
  • If he accepts you, don't immediately transform into a screaming fag when you're with him. He may have accepted you because of who you are when you met. So if you really need to change, do it subtly.
  • You can say no to your straight friend. It doesn't mean that just because he's given you the chance to be his friend that he can turn you into his doormat. A friend who can't take a rejection is not truly a friend. He's probably just using you.
  • If he doesn't, just give him time. If you're really good friends, even if it takes years for him to accept it, you'll still end up texting, talking or even hanging out with each other.
  • If your friend entertains the thought of same sex relationship, he's not straight. Bi-curious probably, but definitely not straight. And these rules do not apply.
This list is only a guideline for me. This is my way of showing them that I respect them and that I'm worthy of their trust, just as they are of mine.

Friday, October 9, 2009


Okay, so Engel didn't necessarily keep his geekiness a secret. He's a certified nerd. He often wears checkered polos. He wears eyeglasses. There are times he combs his hair one sided. And he wears leather shoes and jeans. This may actually show him more of a fashion victim than a geek, but then again that's also true.

Allow Engel to geek out this one time. He doesn't do this anymore and he misses writing about his favorite topics. Video games, tv shows and comic books. But this post is mainly about the hobby where 20% of his salary goes to. Comic books. Don't judge, there are people who're willing to be bankrupt just to buy shoes, watches and cellphones (ugh).

As a kid, Engel learned to read because of these colored picture books. He initially did not understand any of the series he's read as a kid, he just thought that the drawings were pretty. He started collecting X-Men (maybe because he had a hint that he'll be able to relate to the mutant's being not accepted because they are different). He was a fan of Jean Grey, Psylocke and Rogue (his excuse was they were hot, later on though it may have been because of something else). But he didn't follow the series until he reached high school.

Back then he would save his baon so he could buy Uncanny X-Men and X-Men every month. He shows his collections off to his classmates mainly because his crush then also likes reading the titles, and that was his way to be close to that certain classmate.

His initial reason for buying these titles may have been selfish, but one thing still remained. He was so engrossed in the stories and characters that he'd read. It was his escape from the frustrations brought about by Trigonometry, Chemistry, Economics and Grammar.

Collecting comic books was not an easy thing for Engel. For one, as a kid he never really learned how to save money. He'd often resort to "borrowing" his mother's cash to buy those things. Come to think of it, he actually became creative because of this. He learned to make up different excuses so he could have extra pesos for his allowance so he could buy his comics.

Tantrums were thrown whenever Engel wasn't given an extra fifty bucks. Threats of leaving home was his weapon (yeah, he was really a brat when he was younger). Just for his magazines his horns started showing. Blame youth.

Then again, X-Men became a crappy title in the late 90's (it actually kind of became too gay) so he totally lost interest in collecting comic books.

Thankfully, he got alot smarter in College. So everytime he finishes a semester with at least one class with a grade of 1.5, he's given permission to increase his allowance by a hundred. So now, he could afford to purchase comics again. He gave up FHM (that was just a facade) for X-Men (which improved a little), the Marvel Ultimate Line and eventually the Avengers.

And so Engel became really addicted to comic books. His monthly purchases became weekly.

To be continued...

You're probably not interested to read what'll be coming next. Comic book nerds are a niche. And Engel only knows a few bloggers who reads comic books. Even less for PLU's who do. But then again, Engel doesn't really care.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


Engel's starting to believe Rudeboy when he says that Engel's straight.

Maybe he is. Aside from the attraction with the same sex, there's really nothing much that could identify him as someone who'd be attracted to the male species. At least none in this fathersucker's opinion.

Apart from Glee and Gossip Girl (which are just guilty pleasures), he watches alot of action oriented television shows. He plays alot of video games and not those girly girly role playing games. He plays straight shoot em ups and survival horror games like Resident Evil and Silent Hill. He dresses up sloppily. Apart from the occasional moisturizer, he doesn't put anything on his face. Hell, he's even fine not shaving his face for a week. He does not and probably will not worship divas. He doesn't even have gay friends. Acting like a screaming faggot makes him look like an idiot, and comes off really unnatural. He can't even picture himself wearing something girly (god forbid if ever that happens). He drinks, owns a beer belly, collects Batman comics and had sex with a girl.

Damn, maybe he is straight.

One of these days he'll need to figure out if he's a straight guy going through a gay phase or a gay guy not yet ready to let go of the straight ways.

Monday, October 5, 2009


Engel has alot of ideals. In his moments alone, he dreams of the perfect life. A life he wants to have someday. A job he's always wanted. The perfect partner. Having enough money to buy the things he's always wished for. An ideal life.

During his college life, he often saw himself living the life of a yuppie that he sees on television. A life that is easy, having crazy friends, a faithful partner a job that pays for an extravagant life and being challenged by life and overcoming it. For a brief time he thought he had it.

Quarter life crisis had come and pass for Engel, so he's not really depressed whenever he thinks that he wanted so much in life. He's actually had some of the things he wanted. A position of power. A relationship. Being paid more than he required. But he left them all because he wasn't happy. The younger Engel decided to turn his back on all of it, because he thought that he deserves something more. He deserves something ideal.

But then reality struck. Months after leaving the comforts of a good job, he found himself unemployed. His savings completely depleted and his burgeoning love life, a lie.

The hardest part of being on top was crashing down.

It was a humbling experience, having to start over from scratch. Looking for a job that he only studied and never really had experience at was something difficult to have. He ended up getting work for companies he never liked. With people he didn't get along with and for salaries he thought he'd never be able to live on.

That was the real life. Ideals could sometimes be a lie. You could have the job that you've always wanted, but sometimes it's not how you imagined it to be. The perfect man does not exist if you're a man and sometimes you have to live with what you are given.

Right now Engel likes his life. While his work hours are far from ideal, he does not complain. He requested for it. He applied for it even if he already had the best schedule. He's earning just about enough for him to buy the things he wanted to buy.

And as for his love life. He doesn't have any. He has moments when he wanted to kill himself for still being single. But then he knows everything comes on it's own time. He's still not ready.

Engel's life is not perfect. It wasn't his ideal. But whose life is, really?

Friday, October 2, 2009


Social networking sites are just some of the better ways to catch up with old friends. And Engel's got plenty of them. So naturally, he is addicted. He has one account in probably most of the popular social networking sites: Facebook, friendster, myspace, hi5 and even on plurk.

There's something about this sight that Engel sees interesting that's why he's constantly visiting or even staying on these sites whenever he's online (and that's all the time). Some of them, he's more interested in the applications more than his friend's updates.

This begs the question though, what's with social networking sites that makes people come back?

Engel does have his reasons. Some of them sentimental, others just shallow. In keeping with letting the world know who he is (even if the world is not interested), he decided to tell his readers why he often comes back to these sites.

UPDATES. Because Engel's schedule prevents him from having a social life these days, he uses facebook to be constantly updated with his good friends. Information comes in fast these days, and it seems cellphones and sms are becoming outdated. Through facebook, he finds out who got married, who got knocked up, who finally outed himself and who broke up with whom. People tend to open up their lives through these sites, and that's a good thing. It's just sometimes, people tend to share too much information. Come on, who really wants to know that you have period today?

CHATROOM. With facebook, communicating becomes so much easier. This is faster than sms and cheaper than phone calls. The chat application makes it easier to talk to relatives from abroad. This is the best place to catch up with high school friends you haven't spoken with in a long time.

TIME WASTER. Once upon a time, Engel got so addicted to Restaurant City, he forgot how to sleep. Facebook got banned at his office because people tend not to work because they were so busy playing Pet Society, Mafia Wars and lately Farmville or Farm Town and Barn Buddy. If Engel's waiting on something, he'd just open Facebook and open these applications and he'll be fine.

STALKING. Engel's got alot of crushes, and this is how he finds out what kind of person his crush is. He really reads that person's personal information, friend's testimonials, and even updates by the guy. He's shy, so he normally don't add those people up. But once he gets to talk to that person, or got to know him a little, he wouldn't hesitate to ask for that guy's email address or full name to add on either friendster or facebook.

VOYEUR. Honestly, Engel cannot look at people's pictures for long periods of time. Unless it's a picture of his crush or a picture of someone good looking. Specially if there are pictures of half naked men in the album. That's why he loves myspace, he could freely search people like him in that site. And most of the guys he finds there have pictures he likes.

Social networking sites are stress relievers for Engel. Keeps him occupied from the worries of natural calamities, stupid co-workers and having no budget for gimmicks. Having no time to go out and have a social life, this is his alternative.

So, do you have facebook?

Wednesday, September 30, 2009


A few days ago, I wrote in one of my posts that sometimes a blogger isn't necessarily the person he writes himself to be. You see writers (specially if he or she is a very good one) know how to twist or exaggerate some facts about themselves to make them sound more likeable. Giving off a different impression to their readers that are far from who they really are in real life.

I'm not sure what kind of impression I'm giving off with my posts but let me tell you, some of them may not be true. I'll tell you what kind of person Engel really is. Engel in real life.

QUIET. Believe it or not, I am a quiet guy. I'm more of a listener than a talker. Maybe because I'm not that good of a storyteller. I could tell you the most exciting thing that happened in my life, and I won't fail to make you feel bored. I don't know. Ask me to write that story and I'll be able to make it look more alive and colorful, but I'm not that good in telling it. There are people who're born like that I guess. But. And that's a big but. Once you get to know me better or if we have something in common, that would make me talk more. I really have alot to say, I guess it just depends if I know the person will be interested in it or not.

SUPLADO. I'll outright say it. I am a snob. Really. I'm kidding. That's the perception about me because first of all I'm quiet. And I often look serious. I do know how to smile, and I'm mighty approachable. But the thing is, deep down I'm really a shy person. I'm an introvert, and people tend to misinterpret that into being a snob. I guess I just don't like to make the first move. Maybe I'm afraid to get turned down when I try to talk to someone.

FEELING GWAPO. Engel would like to think he's good-looking. Confidence within could be felt outside. I know I tell stories of people who get attracted to me, which I turn down (even if I know I'll never end up with anyone as good looking as they were), they're true by the way, but I'm not that attractive. Maybe a little. Probably if I weigh less. Definitely if I decide to pamper myself more. I'm not vain and I like to keep my life uncomplicated, and if people see that as me not caring for myself. I don't really care. I'm smart.

NICE GUY. I am and I'm proud of that. Even if sometimes that means people get to push me over. I believe in karma. What goes around comes around. And I'm 27. If by now I don't know how to understand and cope with people's different personalities, I'll never learn. But like I said, I'm a nice guy. I am generous to my friends or to people I'd like to become friends with. I give way to other people in lines, in almost anything (unless it's related with money). I share my things, my food, my clothes, sometimes cash (but I don't lend more than 100 bucks to people unless I trust that person).

NAUGHTY. Call him what you want, but Engel's still a man. I sometimes let my disco stick do the thinking. I'm sometimes weak. Nuff said.

That's me in real life.

Monday, September 28, 2009


  • I appreciated the sun even more.
  • I am grateful that I live in an area where flood is a rare event.
  • I thanked God for telling me to go home right after work last Saturday instead of staying in Makati and meeting my friend. I probably would've been stranded and sick.
  • I realized that there are showbiz personalities who are more than just pretty faces.
  • I appreciated being a Filipino seeing alot of nameless heroes trying their best to help out the victims of this unexpected calamity.
The past weekend was something nobody expected. Homes were destroyed. Lives lost. The entire metro was submerged in mud and floodwater. Some thought that it was the beginning of the end of the world.

I was sick for most of the day and did not realize the gravity of the situation until I turned on the television and saw how bad the rain was. A month's worth of falling water in the span of a few hours. Someone's mightily pissed off up there, that's what I thought.

Yesterday, thankfully the storm left the country. And just as the sun emerged, so did the heroes. On tv, you could see videos of men and women risking their lives to save relatives, neighbors, friends and strangers. Famous showbiz personalities calling out to their endorsers to donate what they have to help out victims of the deluge. And just like when Mt. Pinatubo erupted, when the earthquake hit the country, when Estrada was ousted, and when former Pres. Aquino was buried, the country was once again united.

Blame is being thrown at the government for it's unpreparedness and slow action during the calamity. But in my opinion, no one is to be blamed for this tragedy. Every once in awhile, mother nature does things to remind us we need to take care of our environment. We shouldn't throw our garbage on rivers, maintain our drainage systems. We shouldn't rely too much on the government things that we ourselves can do.

We learn our lessons in calamities like this, but then again we tend to forget the morals learned from these situations. I guess the challenge here really is to remember the lessons we learned from all of this and to not let this happen again.

After the storm, I knew that alot shall be written about this ordeal. But I thought that not everything posted about it should be sad or gloomy or tragic. Like with everything else, this too shall pass.