Before going to sleep this morning, I found myself backreading on my old blog. I find it fascinating how much I grew up chronicling my life in my old abode. When I started posting stuff in the old blog, I was mostly ranting about how much my life sucked (that lessened as years went by). I rant about the dumbest things (my job, my age, my looks, my schedule). I think I wrote almost everything about my life in that blog.
But one thing I noticed is that even after I revealed alot about me in that blog, I was never really able to write while I was in a relationship. The blog's existed for quite awhile now, and I've been in a couple of relationships after I started writing, but I was not able to write about it while in the midst of that relationship.
I have written about failed dates. Successful dates. Getting turned down. Turning down someone. I've written about courting people. I have chronicled details about my exes. But I never wrote anything about my relationship while I'm with that person.
I haven't written about how I asked someone to be my partner. I never wrote about feeling anxious waiting for a call after a fight. I've never written sweet moments with my exes. I haven't posted about the petty reasons why we fought and what we did after we made up. I'll never write details about our awesome sexy times. I never wrote how I felt when we broke up. I just didn't write anything.
I don't know, maybe I was afraid people would find that I suck in relationships (not literally, well I do literally, sometimes, whatever you get the point). Maybe I was afraid that people would tell me I was the one at fault when we're fighting. Or maybe that people would find me 'mayabang' when I brag about how great a date went, while the rest of the blogosphere's suicidal because they're still single. I do know that when I was with somebody, I never really had the time to do anything else but focus most of my free time with that person.
Looking back, if I did write about the relationship, when we were having problems, maybe I could've saved it. Seeing how alot of readers were giving insights about what could be done to right a mistake, maybe it could've opened my eyes and and made me want to fight more for my partner's love. Maybe I wouldn't be single anymore. Who knows, right?
But this is not me whinging about the past. This is about looking forward. I created this blog so that I can write about things I was hesitant to post in my old home. I still wouldn't be posting about my sex life, but I'll still say if it was great or not. The point being I'll be writing without inhibitions.
Of course, before I write about those things, I'd need to find myself first a partner.
Before I get anymore comments about finding the one, let me be defensive and say this post is not about me looking for a partner. I am still fine with my current single status. I'm just saying that for me to be able to write what I haven't written before, I'd need to be in a relationship first.
I'm fine where I am right now. If someone does come along, then that's awesome. But at this moment, I couldn't ask for anything more.
Well, a digital slr camera would be great, and a Playstation 3.
3 months ago