Sunday, August 29, 2010


Would Cinderella be beloved if she didn't have those cruel stepmother and sisters? Would we still like Snow White if she didn't bite that poisoned apple? If the Beast was a normal prince, would Beauty and the Beast be interesting?

Love stories, the real life ones, are very interesting to listen to. To read about. It gives us hope. Make us believe. It's always great, specially if they ended happily.

But behind the destined kiss. Before those three words are sincerely uttered. The people behind them, they go through love's ups and downs. The ups are always great, but just as well are the downs. The partners exes, complications, the baggages, our friends who disagree, anything that's attached when it comes to gay relationships, all these things that test how strong the foundations of love have been built upon.

No matter how bad that makes us feel about our relationships, it's what makes our love stories great.

If my love story consisted of meeting and falling for my kid, you'd probably get bored. Heck, I'd be bored and might already be single two months ago. Yeah, I cried alot before we became what we are. Yeah several goodbyes were attempted, and they were each equally depressing. But that's fine. In the end it was all worth it. All these things, they're just spices that make our stories interesting.

On love stories, what's important is we believe, we found, we loved, and we fight for it.

Isn't that what love stories are all about?

For those who believe, look and fight for love.

For those looking for someone who'll make them smile.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


when you find out I have these weird habits?

I LET MY ALARM SNOOZE 4 TIMES BEFORE I WAKE UP... I love to sleep, and don't normally look forward to going to work.

WHEN SLEEPING MY FEET SHOULD ALWAYS BE ELEVATED... I don't know if I'm the only one who does this, but I have to have a pillow under my feet when I sleep. Either that or I place my feet on the walls. Specially when I'm tired.

I LIKE PUTTING CHEESE ON MY RICE... Whether it's the cheese spread or I grate cheese, I want my rice to have flavor. The viand is usually not enough for me. But I do this more when the ulam has tomato sauce on it... parang spaghetti lang.

SPEAKING OF EATING... I'm not used to eating on the table with people. I tend to eat on my own other than the dining table. Even if we're having a family dinner, I often eat away from my family. Usually in front of the television or computer.

I CANNOT LEAVE MY HOUSE WITHOUT A SIGN PEN... I have no use for it other than at work, but I always bring a pen with me whenever I go out. My take on it, there will be a time that I'll be signing autographs for fans.

I SLEEP WITH PILLOWS ALL AROUND ME... I think I need six pillows to sleep peacefully. Pamalit kasi wala akong yinayakap... huhuhu

I DON'T LIKE THE TASTE OF SOFTDRINKS... I know it's not a weird habit, but it's just weird. I don't like how coke, sprite or whatever softdrinks feel in my mouth. That's why I don't drink too much of it. It's crazy i know, but at least it's healthy!!!

I LIKE TO TALK BACKWARDS SOMETIMES... I usually do this when I'm alone. It's my secret language. Something like this: oka is treblig. oti ya gnasi driew gniht tuoba em. And I can do it quickly too.

SOMETHING ABOUT PLATE NUMBERS... When I'm commuting, I always look at plate numbers, and I always list down the first letters of plate numbers of cars until I complete the alphabet. But until now, I've never seen a car whose plate number starts with the letters O and Q.

I TALK TO MYSELF... That's because I'm semi-autistic. I'm used to talking to myself. I oftentimes interview myself, whenever I'm alone. No I'm not crazy, but when you're an only child with practically no one to talk to when you're growing up, chances are you'd be like me. Di ako baliw... autistic lang... minsan.

So there's mine. I think I've humiliated myself enough already with this list. What are your weird habits?


By the by, me and the kid are officially celebrating our third month together today!! I know I told myself and the kid, that I won't count. But I can't help it. Every month's a record breaker for this relationship.

Friday, August 20, 2010


I have both next gen consoles, the PS3 and the XBox 360 (I actually have 2 of this one).

Both were purchased on impulse. I bought the XBox because I thought it's such a shame I can't play the titles I've already bought before my first one broke down. And the PS3, well that one was my consolation for backing out from buying a condominium unit.

So anyway, aside from my 'kid', this is the other thing that's keeping me from bloghopping as much as I did before. This is who you should thank, for Engel not being a blog whore anymore.

And here are my favorite games, in no particular order:

This was the last game I played before writing this post. I love sandbox games and this is one of the best out there. Imagine you're an ex-outlaw during the end or start of the 1900's. You ride horses to get to towns. You hunt for bandits. You kill wolves, cougars, foxes, vultures. You tame wild horses. Oh, and you also take part in a civil war in Mexico and journey a long way to find your ex-partners. I love this game.

If there's a game I love more than Red Dead Redemption, that would be Grand Theft Auto IV. I started this on my XBox, but unfortunately my first console broke down. Now that I have a PS3, I thought why not continue Niko Bellic's quest for revenge on my new console. Here, you take a tour of virtual New York (called Liberty City). Drive people around for your cousin, and along the way beat up gangsters, fuck women, listen to the radio, watch television, ride helicopters, and even watch stand up comedians in their shows. God, listening to the radio alone is already worth what you paid for in this game.

I loved GTA IV, because there are hundreds of things to do in that game. Elder Scrolls on the other hand gives you a thousand of things to occupy your time. My geek out title. This is a massive RPG title that lets you customize your character, clothes, weapons, magic, basically everything. Playing about 50 hours of this game, I've already forgotten about the main story. I'm just in awe with some of the most beautiful and spectacular sceneries in a video game. Ever. This might be boring for some, but these are my kinds of games.

Speaking of beautiful games. This one is just absolutely gorgeous in all aspects. The gameplay is easy. The story, epic. The characters, pretty (you know I'm gay when I'm adding the words pretty in a post about video games). It's just one of the most engaging games I have played in my many years of playing console games. This is an RPG that's set in outer space. It doesn't allow you the freedom of exploring as say, GTA or RDR, but still when you're following the story of Commander Shephard and his crew of awesome space soldiers, you won't be able to do anything else but just play. You'd be surprised you've been playing it for 18 hours already. Jaw dropping, I say.

Just because I've played almost all the titles since Final Fantasy VII came out, I'm adding this. But that doesn't mean it's not a good game, because for awhile, this was the only thing I was playing on my new console. I just got tired a bit of playing only one title. I think I have ADHD. Anyway, this is another beautiful game. The one thing you could say that Squaresoft is great at in any of their video games, it's making one hell of a CGI movie. Everytime I see one, I can't help but just be in awe. Yeah, the lines are cheesy, campy or whatever, but this is why we play Japanese RPG's. This is what they're known for.

I never thought it would be possible to fall in love with a video game character. But when I played this title, damn! Nate Drake is one sexy thief. He's funny. Good looking. Smart. He knows darn difficult acrobatics. Unfortunately, not one second in the ten hour game did he take his clothes off. In fact, as the game gets deeper, he put on more clothes. Damn snow!!! I hate games set in cold places. They suck. This one is an exception though. This was the first (make that only) game I've finished in PS3. Ten hours of great visuals, great acting, awesome gameplay. I don't know, it's just good! No, it's better than good, it's absolutely fantastic!

This is my macho game. Marcus Phoenix, an ex-convict off to war to destroy Locust aliens who've taken over the planet. This is another epic game. The second of a trilogy. Everything about this game is big. From your character, to your weapons, to those fricking huge aliens. Big. The first title was the reason I was almost imprisoned (that's an exagerration). But yeah, I can't help it. The game's so engaging, I didn't find it troubling playing it in the middle of the night, with the speakers almost on full volume. It's a loud game, what with all the shooting and shouting. But damn this one's awesome! One of the best exclusive games for the XBox. This game's worth explaining to barangay officials why I woke up half the neighborhood in the middle of a weeknight.

I like playing assassins. It's awesome being sneaky and stealthy and killing people behind their backs. Maybe I'm a backstabber in the making, I don't know. But there's a certain thrill in plunging a weapon on an unsuspecting victim. But that's not why I love playing AC2. Ezio's story is as engaging as all the other titles on this list, and it's got that sandbox feel again, which I love in my video games. But the one thing this title gives to me that others fail to do, is the feeling of vertigo. I love the feeling when you're perched on top of a tower looking over the grand cities/towns/land below you. And then jumping down to I don't know probably hundreds or thousands of feet. Just writing about it already gives me the jitters.

What's a favorite games list without including the original Survivor Horror series. Okay, I must admit this isn't the best title of the Resident Evil games (and I haven't actually finished it yet, shame on me), but still it's a game that makes you scream whenever you see a zombie (or a possessed native African) chasing after you with an ax. It's still scary.

Still have yet to play other games people have been raving about like Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriot (I'm scared to start this game), God of War 3, Heavy Rain on the PS3, and Alan Wake, Fallout 3 (can't find a copy for XBox or PS3 on this one) on XBox 360. But once I have the budget, I'll do that.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


I've always been honest in my blog. Specially when it comes to my looks. Take away people's expectations.

On the scale of 1 to 10 I'm probably a 5 or a 6. When I was younger, a 9 (okay, 7.5).

Anyway, I'm not attractive. Not so much.


I have this theory though, one way to boost your 'attractiveness' is to be in a relationship.

I don't know, but somehow people are attracted to me more when I'm with someone as compared to when I was single. This is based on experience.

I wrote this before, way back when I was starting with this blog. The one time I was on a date, there were a few people who showed interest in me. One even had to show off his dick while we were in the restroom.

It happened again today. On my way home, someone actually sought me out, sat beside me, and ran his fingers on my arms. And he actually flirted with me a little.

Normally, I would've punched the living daylights out of that guy. But he was kinda hot. If only he wasn't too effeminate. I'm not a hypocrite, I like the feeling of being attractive.

I have no plans on cheating on my 'kid'. The guy asked for my details, and I gave him fake ones. I hope he did not text or call the number I gave him. Jonathan does not exist.

I honestly don't know how attraction works. Why these things happen. It may be because I'm too happy with the relationship, that it manifests itself in me physically. It could be the thrill of chasing ang conquering someone's property. Who knows, maybe I really am attractive.

I don't know.

One of life's mysteries, I guess.

Saturday, August 14, 2010


I find lesbians interesting.

I have few gay friends, and fewer still gay females.

I don't know.

I think I like lesbians.

Joel McHale is a comic genius.

I like him in The Soup, but I'm loving him in Community.

It's really a good show.

Too bad I'm watching it with my family, yet I'm the only one laughing.


For those who've been reading this blog before.

The real reason why I haven't been writing as much as I did before.

Not the love life. That's a part of it. Not the no internet at work crap. I still think that's sad. But whatever.

But lately, my day's been occupied by Playstation 3.

I'm currently playing Obliviion IV. It's an old game. But it's addicting.

I'm such a geek.

Oh, and at work, I'm lending my comic books to this girl from our team.

I don't know.

It's nice when someone shows interest in the things I'm interested in.

I'm not that I'm becoming straight. Because I'm so in love with my kid.

But I don't really know alot of people personally that is interested in comic books.

I like being able to talk someone about it.

It's fun.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked.

He gave me a smile and a nod.

"You know you don't have to," I said

"I want to make you happy."

"Isa lang ang hihingin ko sa'yo," sabi ko sa kanya. Kakatapos lang ng lahat ng drama sa pagitan naming dalawa. We were finally a couple.

"What?" tanong niya.

"I just want to hear you say 'I love you' at least once a day," hiling ko.

"Yun lang pala. Wala na bang mas hihirap pa dun?" biro niya.

We kissed. A long one. Passionate. I hugged him tighter. It has been awhile.

I did not want to forget the feeling of his body next to mine.

I know he felt the same. He hugged me tight too.

"I'm giving you the freedom to fuck whoever you want, habang ganito pa tayo." sabi niya.

"What, you mean open relationship?" tanong ko.


Di nako nagsalita. Nabwisit ako sa sinabi niyang iyon.

"Wui. Dyan ka pa?"

"Mmm," sagot ko.

I ran my fingers on his face. Like painting his features in my head. It might take awhile before I see him again.

He was staring at me.

"Smile," he told me.

I obliged. Like a child, he hugged me again.

He whispered, "I love you." He looked at me again. Playful this time.

I gestured for him to kiss me.

"Kunico might be coming back from Japan next month," sabi niya.

"Imeet mo siya?" tanong ko.

"I don't know. I'm confused." sagot niya.

Siya yung ex na alam kong minahal niya. Muntik na silang magkaanak. Siguro kung nagkatuluyan sila, malabong naging kami.

"Basta, dyan ka lang ha, the next few weeks I'll be super busy na with school. Baka di na tayo makakapag-usap ng ganito during that time."

"Okay," yan lang ang kayang isagot ko.

I came first. Could be the age. Could be the overenthusiasm. But I came first.

"Want me to give you head?" he asked.

"No," I protested, "I'm okay."

He didn't let me finish. Still wet, he went down.

The few bobs he did was good. I was delirious. But he stopped.

I looked at him.

"Ang labo mo! Mamaya na tayo mag-usap!" sabi niya sabay baba ng telepono.

Hindi ko na maalala kung ano ang pinag-awayan namin.

Ilang oras din siyang hindi nagparamdam.

"Sorry," sabi ng text niya.

Di ko na talaga maalala kung ano yung di namin napagkasunduan.

He looked like a kid who tasted semen for the first time. Well he did.

I laughed.

The poor kid.

"I told you you don't have to do that." I motioned for him to come closer. I hugged him.

"I don't think I could do that again," he confessed.

"Awww. It's okay." I kissed him and let him lie on my chest.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"I love you," he said.

All the doubts I had before are now gone.

He does love me.

Saturday, August 7, 2010


"Sometimes we just have to surprise each other."

A good friend told me this the other day.

With what happened to me in the past few months, I think I've already filled my quota for my plan to have 10 spontaneous days for 2010. Some weren't written because I was lazy, and there are things that are better kept to ourselves.

But I promised to write of 10 spontaneous days, so in the blog world, this would be my fifth.
To you this may be the first time you'll be visiting this blog, and you stumbled here because I've linked this blog from my other home.

It might confuse you. What's the difference here and the other home? Why do I have to have two blogs? Why do I have to do this now? What's in it for me?

Read through the past posts, you'll probably understand.

This might seem familiar. You may have been here before. You might even be following both blogs already, you just didn't realize.

But just like the great Manny Pacquiao said, "now you know."

To those who follow this blog and not the other one, you may need to visit this to understand better.

This is me being spontaneous.

There could be backlash. People might react negatively. Who knows. My officemates my read this and start spreading the news. I mean it doesn't matter, I'm not popular in the office.

Have I thought this through? NO.

Am I ready to face the consequences? I'm not really sure. We cross the bridge when we get there.

Is it really necessary? Not alot of people in the blogosphere know me personally, and those who do, most probably already know. And to be honest, I can keep this thing up for as long as I want, but it's a small world everyone's bound to know about it eventually.

So I guess, surprise!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


Let me be reminiscing this post. Engel's celebrating his first year of existence in the blogosphere.

Do you remember when he wrote using a third person's perspective? Yeah, that was stupid. He did it because he wanted this blog to sound a bit different from his straight blog. He got over it though, after he came back from his first hiatus.

How many hiatus did I actually go through in the span of a year? The first one was because I fell in love. The second was when I got my heart broken the first time by 'the kid.' And the last was when I just lost interest in some of the people on this side of the blogosphere. I honestly don't know if I'm going to go through another hiatus, I'm sure if that happens, I won't write about it no more. Anyway, I don't write as often as I'd like anymore anyway. Not here, and not in my other home. Maybe I ran out of things to say. Much has been said?

I initially had alot to say when I opened this blog. There is a reason why this was called a 'tell all.' This was where I was supposed to write without inhibitions. I wrote about other bloggers, myc crushes, my boss, my exes, the loves of my life. This is where I shared who I really am without fear of being judged, misinterpreted or misunderstood. I wanted this place so I can be me.

Apparently being me sometimes tend to get people to react differently. I've been called alot during the one year I've been writing. From brilliant, to stupid, to being defensive, people have called me many things. I've been told I'm too intense. Optimistic. Tactless. Funny. Desperate. Negastar. Heck there was even a time someone said, "I don't deserve to be loved." I welcome all of those opinions. I respect them. And I learn from them. That is the goal of writing, I believe, so you will learn. And I've learned a lot.

Did the one year change me? Definitely. Engel was supposed to be anonymous. Now, I've met alot of my fellow bloggers 'round the world wide web. Making connections. Building relationships. Even as far as entering a 'relationship.' I've become a bit more spontaneous, specially this year. I've done alot of stupid things during those days of spontaneity. Some of them are major fails, but you know, that's how I could say I lived. The best part is, I started writing here as a single guy, chronicling my single life. But now I can't stop bragging about having a love life. Yeah, that last line's making me smile.

All that, and it's still six days before this blog turns one.