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Tuesday, December 1, 2009

PONDERING

Maybe he's been unfair. Maybe he was a jerk. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he doesn't deserve to be loved. But as of right now, Engel isn't ready for a relationship. He's not Mr. Right. Just Mr. Right Now.

Funny indeed that just a few months ago he was all ready to be in a relationship, but when the commitment came, things changed. He longed for solitude. He felt pressured. He felt something wasn't right.

Yeah, quitting may be the harshest thing to do, he could always try to reciprocate the love. And he would, but the thing is, Engel realized that at that moment, at this time, he's still not ready to give up the freedom that being single gives.

You can always say you're ready, but it's really different when you're there. Maybe that's what happens when you just jump into something you're not sure of. When you don't think. You think you're ready, but you realize you're not. It was fun. But then you realize that it's not enough. You realize that love's not all it's hyped up to be. That it takes alot of work, and you need to be fully committed. And questions begin to rise. Do you really love him? Are you giving enough? Are you really able to commit fully? Will you make your partner happy?

All he knows is, it didn't feel right. The decision to give up is not easy. It's never easy. You're the one who'll break a heart. People will think you're the bad guy. The reasons wouldn't be easy to understand, and there is a chance you'll end up regretting your decision.

But to be honest, Engel thinks that it is the right thing to do.

So yeah, he's single again. And it may be awhile before he commits again. If there would even be someone who'd think he's deserving to be loved.

20 comments:

anteros' dominion said...

HAAAAAY!

ang lungkot naman.

naku, kung kailangan mo lang ng kausap, alam mo na ang email address ko

ingat parati bro

JayPee said...

"We don't need a man to rectify our existence. The most profound relationship we'll ever have is the one with ourselves."

Stay single so you can always mingle. :p

MkSurf8 said...

it takes courage to enter into a relationship. it also takes the same to get out of it. quitting is not only for cowards, it is also for heroes.

saying enough is enough is always an option.

enjoy lang, pareng engel. =)

Vladimir Buendia said...

I can feel the same emotion. I want to cry right now.

Galen said...

Don't be too hard on yourself. We go through the same shit once, twice, thrice, many times in our lives.

Eternal Wanderer... said...

there are choices, and there are choices.

and i'm glad you had the balls to decide on it ;)

rudeboy said...

@ JayPee : "We don't need a man to rectify our existence. The most profound relationship we'll ever have is the one with ourselves."

Hear, hear! That's why I have a profound relationship with myself at least 4 times a day.

Aherm.

@ engel : As Lady Gaga sang - "Eh-Eh, Nothing Else I Can Say."

i am beki said...

everyone deserves to be loved.

MakMak said...

At least you had the courage to set him free. Other people are too selfish to let go and let their partners get the love they truly deserve.

With that said, I don't think you're the bad guy. =)

john stanley said...

it was a whirlwind relationship and as such, most of your decisions were made in haste.

however, that doesn't mean that what you felt is not true. love is not always the answer to our concerns.

in the end, people will judge us anyway but what truly matters is how we look at ourselves from within.

kever lang, engel. :)

the geek said...

ako na lang kumain ng butterscotch. para sayo sana yun. hehehehe

Mr. Scheez said...

this post has an explanation feel/spirit to it.

engel, you don't owe anyone an explanation. it is your prerogative to end a relationship if you feel it is the right thing to do. =)

Niel Camhalla said...

Saying "I love you" should not be a commitment. That is why I believe that there should be a dating period.

Maxwell5587 said...

when it's right, you'll know it. and the same could be said if it isn't right.

well, atleast you faced those doubts early on before it turned into something else. although hearts were broken in the process, i think it about the issue of whether one is sure or not and what matters is you followed your heart.

now, try to learn from this so that the next time you try, it would be for sure. :)

Yj said...

and from all these we learn......

sabi nga sa kanta...

next time i fall in love
i know better what to do....

:)

domjullian said...

agree =). cheers to singlehood again!

wanderingcommuter said...

i'd rather blame it to me than to be unfair to him...

thats atleast my POV.

Jay Quiambao said...

I think it was the best step to jump in then analyze after. Less time to know if you're compatible or not as a partner.

citybuoy said...

a few months ago, john mayer's in repair would've been your perfect song. maybe you're still reeling from a previous lover. these problems tend to resurface if left alone.

Knoxxy said...

Same here.