Wednesday, April 20, 2011


I wrote this when I first met the Kid. Who knew that 7 months after, we'll become a couple. And now, we're about to enter our first year together.

How time flies when you're in love.


One of the rules I've set upon myself in terms of the people I pursue is to not fall for boys much younger than I am. This weekend I broke that rule.

I met Chris last Saturday night and we had a pretty lengthy phone conversation. He's 19 years old, a student and he said that at that moment he was straight. He has a girlfriend, but he was curious about an alternative lifestyle. So he had a few questions which wasn't uncommon for me because when I was the same age those were the questions I was asking myself.

So while being an older brother to the young padwan, I accidentally got the guy to fall for me. Towards the end of the conversation, things turned to something unexpected. He got confused. I'm sure when we started talking he was pretty confident about his sexuality, but by the end not only did I have him question his sexuality, I also made him fall for me. Worse, I fell for the kid.

I have had a bad experience with a kid. I was 23, he was 18 or 19. We rushed into the relationship because we liked how our conversation over the phone. It ended a couple of weeks later with the kid telling me that I have no knowledge of the word love. That was when I said no more kids. And I was doing pretty well. Until now.

Sunday morning I received a message from Chris telling me that he wasn't fully honest with all the details he gave me the night before. He was actually supposed to set me up with his friend as a prank. He said he didn't expect to feel how he felt for me. That wouldv'e been cue for me to let the kid go. But he said he was being honest because he wants to start things right between us.

Last night we had another conversation. I got to know him better. I liked him more, but I noticed he may not really be ready for this kind of lifestyle. I think I was actually pushing him to pursue me.

Anyway I woke up today feeling guilty about what I did last night. I was taking advantage of his confusion. That's not right. In the end, if I pursue the matter, he'd probably end up hating me. If it did work out, I probably would've had him half-baked. Whatever happens I think in the end one of us would end up with a broken heart.

Maybe I was thinking that if I did pursue him, given his situation, he's going to be my responsibility and I may not be ready to have to carry that burden.This morning I said goodbye. It's probably the right thing to do. I just hate that it feels so wrong.

I did the right thing. Right?

Tuesday, April 5, 2011


Before anything: this is not my writing. This is the Kid's obviously. I don't have that wide a vocabulary. :)


On the Reality of Human Emotion: One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest (Movie)

Yesterday I watched One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest. It’s one of those must-see movies in Rotten Tomatoes. Most film critics even regard it as a cinematic masterpiece.

What I like about the film is its appeal to both ‘form’ and ‘substance’. To me, form pertains to: first, what the film says (the story) and second, how the film says what it says (movie elements like cinematography, screenplay, musical score, etc.) On the other hand, substance pertains to the theme. It answers the question ‘so what’.

In my opinion, the substance of a film is as important as its form. Because film is a form of art, its primary essence is to educate the intellect on the truth about human nature through a material that can be appreciated on its own. Thus, a beautiful film, just like a beautiful painting, can provide its audience with ‘disinterested pleasure’.

The film is about a prisoner who pretended to be mad in order to escape prison work. His unexpected deportation to a mental asylum allowed him to do foolish things that he couldn’t have done in prison. The conflict arises by the time the head nurse controls his behavior in the asylum.

1. Substance of the Film: Human Nature as the Triumph of Emotion

At this point, let us explore the substance of the film or its theme. In this light, I want to claim that the ability of the film to capture essential truths about human nature elevates its artistic value, although its thematic meaning is morally erroneous.

The movie elucidates on the REALITY OF HUMAN NATURE by defining it as the TRIUMPH OF EMOTIONS OVER LOGIC. We can clearly see this in the way the characters and events are packaged in the film.

To understand this position, we have to examine the film characters metaphorically. We can group the major characters into two: the head nurse of the mental hospital and McMurphy (Jack Nicholson’s character).

Firstly, the head nurse symbolizes form and order—human logic. Because it is logic, it has to guide human behavior toward the morally upright. However, the film depicts the head nurse as painfully dull and hypocritical. Because she enforces rigid rules and regulations in the hospital, she directly suppresses the patients’ freedom in doing whatever they want.

On the other hand, McMurphy epitomizes vivacity and boldness—human emotion. He takes things less seriously and does stupid things with great pleasure. Thus, hindering his actions is tantamount to bastardizing his essence as a person that is marked by imperfection.

Therefore, the theme of the film is more clearly shown during the conflicts that arise between the head nurse and McMurphy. The suppression of McMurphy’s foolish actions highlights the ‘un-humanness’ of logic—as embodied through the head nurse.



2. The Truth: Human Transcendence as Human Nature

Thus, it is important to ask: what makes human truly human? Is it our imperfections that make us human or our actions to perfect ourselves?

As we see in science fiction novels and films, what differentiates a robot from a person is human emotion—more specifically, his capacity to love. But as the film opines, the emotion is that which is instinctual since it relates to our natural tendency to seek pleasure and avoid pain—whatever pleasure that is.

The movie’s conception of human freedom is hinged on doing whatever we want without any restriction. This makes the evaluation of human behavior relative to the agent’s own feelings and emotions. In effect, logic may obstruct the pursuit of wants, especially when what is wanted is morally corrupted although emotionally pleasurable. Since we embrace imperfection and succumb to temptations, we herald emotions—thinking that by doing so it elevates our humanity. But is it really the case?

The movie unfortunately fails to consider human transcendence as part of human nature. FREEDOM IS NOT ABOUT DOING WHATEVER WE WANT, BUT DOING WHAT IS GOOD FOR US. PRECISELY BECAUSE WE ARE FREE, WE ARE ABLE TO CONTROL OUR EMOTIONS THROUGH THE USE OF LOGIC, THUS, WE ARE ABLE TO TRANSCEND OUR IMPERFECTION. (The use of logic helps us to discern what is good and what is evil in our actions).

In other words, HUMAN TRANSCENDENCE HELPS US REALIZE OUR NATURAL INCLINATION TOWARD PERFECTION, HOWEVER IMPERFECT WE ARE. Through the intellect, we are able to seek for the truth; and through the will, we are able to do what is good. The pursuit of truth and goodness justifies our natural inclination toward perfection.

In this sense, although human emotion is an essential facet of our humanity, it must be grounded on logic. Inter-personal love, for example, works best when it follows its objective aspect, that is, the bettering of the character of the persons involved. Thus, it can be claimed that feeling the emotion is more fulfilling when we know that it based on righteous human action.

Therefore, it is LOGIC GUIDING EMOTION THAT MARKS TRUE HUMAN NATURE. As the philosopher Boethius said, a human person is an ‘individual substance with rational nature’ (persona est rationalis naturae individua substantia). Let's keep that in mind.