I think it's about time Engel writes about the cause of the drama in his life the last few weeks. For one, he thinks he's okay now.
Remember Chris? Engel wrote about this about a couple of months ago, before he even met the ex. He followed some of the people's advice to just forget about his feelings for the kid, but still kept the friendship, as Engel was the cause of the kid's bisexual tendencies to emerge.
He did keep his word. He shoved whatever feelings he had behind him. He even had a boyfriend to show that he's serious in not taking advantage of the kid. And Chris understood. The entire time Engel was hitched, he kept his distance. While they do text and call each other sometimes, there was still a wall between them. A boundary that says they're better off as friends.
Then Engel broke up with ex. That's when things got complicated.
The kid's feelings came back. And being young, he got confused. He tried fighting his feelings for Engel. He's obviously not ready to live an alternative lifestyle. He has a girlfriend. Other than Engel, he doesn't know anyone else who lives like this. He's 19 and he doesn't know what he wants in his life. For all everyone knows, this could just be a phase he'll grow out of.
Engel on the other hand's been fighting feelings that have been wanting to burst out of his chest since the first day he met the kid. He had to fight it because after the break up, he realized he's not yet ready to commit with somebody. Anybody. And pulling Chris in, would be a HUGE mistake.
Long story short, they tried to say goodbye to each other. During those times they felt, and said that they loved each other, but since they both know it's a longshot that they'll end up with each other, to not make the inevitable difficult they decided to end what they had immediately. They said farewell.
In one week.
But it seems that what they had for the one month that they knew each other, is something they can't move on from. So one Sunday evening they said hello again.
Things are better now. It's back to normal, although there are days when Engel can't help but get frustrated that things can't be more than what it is. But he's slowly accepting. Right now, they are better off as friends. And although Chris, doesn't say this, Engel knows he feels the same way.
This is not the right time. It is possible that they really aren't even meant for each other. But one thing is for sure, Engel likes where they are right now.
They don't know where things will go from there, but he's sure he'll... they will both be okay. And there's already a strong foundation between them that it'll be difficult to destroy whatever they have.
Oh, and for people who think Engel's got sugar daddy tendencies. Dream on. The kid comes from a well off family.
One thing that's kind of disturbing though, is that Engel for now is better off as a friend. That maybe it's what he's only good for. Being a goddarn friend.
5 months ago