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Sunday, November 1, 2009

NOT SO YOUNG ANYMORE

Engel has long ago accepted the fact that he's missed on alot of things that young people often enjoy. When he was younger, he didn't go bar hopping, unplanned out of town trips, fooling around with strangers, promiscuity, wild crazy things that young people do.

He's not saying he's old. He's only 27. Barely in the prime of his life. But because he was too focused on his job so much when he was younger, he forgot to live.

You see ever since he started school, he's actually become more of an introvert. He's often aloof when strangers are around. He can't initiate small talk. He's basically shy. So even if his friends thought he was cool to hang around with, they oftentimes assume that Engel wouldn't be comfortable going with them to places they'll be treading. And he probably won't, but he felt it would've been nice to be asked.

Now that he's shifted his career, and his responsibilities aren't as heavy as when he held a higher position at work, he decided to balance his work and his life. While his current schedule does not permit him to have a normal social life, he makes sure that during his free time on weekends, if he is invited to go out with his friends, he will.

That's what he did tonight. He went to a restaurant in Makati, then to a bar in Ortigas. Makati was fine. It wasn't as crowded as he expected. People probably didn't feel the need to go out because of the storm the previous evening. The dinner was great. He met a few new people and hung out with some good friends he haven't seen in a long time.

But when he went to Ortigas, the mood was totally different. Instead of yuppies enjoying the weekend, the bar they went to was crowded with college students looking for a cool place to hang out after partying a few hours before. The place was loud, booming with music he's never accustomed to. At that instant he felt old. Like he doesn't belong.

Engel likes to hang out. He's been to Embassy before. When Temple was still open in Greenbelt, he'd be seen there with his friends. He's even braved Decades in his lonesome. But this was the first time he really felt like a wallflower. This isn't his crowd anymore.

He's grown up. He'd rather hang out and have coffee and long talks rather than drink alcohol and dance. He actually didn't even drink beer this evening, he only had a couple of iced teas.

Then he thought, this is the life Christian lives right now. Can he go with this kind of pace if he decides to pursue something with the kid other than friendship? Does he even fit in anymore with this kind of crowd? Why the hell is he thinking of Christian right now when there are a whole gaggle of eye candies moving back and forth where he was sitting? And why does he feel he's not that young anymore? Why did he even allow himself to miss out on these things before?

At 27, Engel knows he has to start acting his age. But then again he's just making up for the things he's missed while he was too busy growing up.

23 comments:

<*period*>; said...

tulad ng dati, sinapul mo na naman ako.

ganiyan ang pakiramdam ko.im only 25. and ive never experienced going out

wish i could experience that.

Eternal Wanderer... said...

give me coffee, dinner, good conversations with good friends, laughter, coke zero, and bonding time.

now that is what i call a good life :)

rudeboy said...

You're not old at all.

engel said...

rudeboy: thanks. i just felt like one earlier because of the crowd.

ternie: that's exactly how i feel!!!

erick: then go out some more. ask your Kuya out para maenjoy mo life. ngayon ko lang naenjoy work-life balance. and it's great.

ang aga ninyo lahat gumising!!!

The Scud said...

i missed out on those things too but no regrets. id rather spend my time having good conversations with friends over coffee or burger plus french fries or dinner plus buckets of beer. :D

rudeboy said...

@ engel : You know, of all the party party nights, Halloween is the one I seldom miss. Gay Pride and the White Party can go hang, because for me, nothing comes close to Halloween. I love theatrics and I enjoy watching everyone else in costume.

Last night the weather cleared and I had a chance to go and put on my Halloween duds, which I've agonized over, picked, re-picked, and re-picked once more all year.

Instead, I stayed in bed under the covers and slept.

That's old.

i am beki said...

its never too late engel.

have you ever heard of "second childhood"?

go and have some fun .... make up for your lost time ... agonizing of time lost and being "old" .... is just a waste of time and a wrinkle too boot.

smile and smile more ... age is just a number ... what matters most is the age of your heart, mind and body. you can look like 21 but act think and feel like a 30.

and uhmm we are almost at the same age. hahaha.

Mike said...

There's always a kid in us. Stop counting now or else you'll grow old faster than you think.

For me, a cup of coffee and buckets of stories to share are far better than tons of beers.

Tara kape tayo. I-celebrate na din natin ang pagiging 2nd runner up sa basketball league. =D

engel said...

mike: funny you should say that. kanina i was with a couple of lions (friends of a friend) pare pareho kami minumura players natin kasi they're stupid! =D

beki: that's why i'm practically kaladkarin these days. making up for lost youth. =)

rudeboy: good for you. haven't slept at all since yesterday afternoon. maybe later or tonight.

scud: i agree. it's not exactly the place that's important for me, it's the bonding with my friends.

dabo said...

umayos ka! hahaha biro lang.

it's natural to feel insecure sa mga taong mas bata sa atin, there are so many what ifs..

Pero sa ganun talaga eh. Nangyari na eh. Take a minute contemplation, then ask yourself this: handa ka bang ipagpalit ang mga ginawa mo noon at mga taong nakilala mo along the way for a life that something that should have been or could have been?

Pero since you are wondering what's the life out there, go and try it. It's never too late. Pero if you are going to try, mag-capitalize ka sa strengths mo...make sure you are aware of the stuff that only you can give even though other people could do it better.. it's you and that is something wala sila.

Pero I really believed you are not missing a lot, but rather wondering.


--- --

kuya engel, hindi totoo na nanbubully ako sa gym. baka mabigwasan ako doon no.

I Am Lukayo said...

OLD is relative; in the particular case that you spent time at Cafe Mondial or Alchemy you may feel old. But do spend time in LAX, Ascend, or even Malate - you won't feel OLD. It's a matter of finding that place where you won't feel OLD.

@Ternie: MWAH!

@rudeboy: Had you invited me to stay under your bed covers, then that WOULDN'T BE OLD. LOLs

the donG said...

i believe you need to explore our country buddy! 27years... still young.

period said...

nah, wish i could go out more. pero hindi kaya eh..kasi sa trabaho.wish i could just find another career..yan yung sinasabi kong dahilan bakit ako hindi okey these past few days..at hindi po ako maagang nagising kuya engel..im on duty kasi special coverage kami (undas po di ba?)

buhay ng taga news. tsk

Galen said...

Like I always say, age with grace. We're of the same age, but I still try to enjoy the things I've been enjoying when I was twenty.

Kung hindi man, I just feel nostalgic about them.

engel said...

galen: this last quarter that'll be one of the things i'm going to be doing alot more of. pambawi sa ka emohan ko the whole year.

erick: kung gusto may paraan, kung ayaw may dahilan ;)

dong: thanks for the visit. i actually don't really think i'm old. i don't find 30 old, what more my age, right?

lukayo: ahh malate. one day i swear i'll find the courage to visit that place and find out what's so special about it.

dabo: it's not naman as if i'm doing nothing. i'm actually living my life now. while i'm still single and wala pang ibang responsibilidad.

wanderingcommuter said...

its not to late...

ash said...

isnt that what we're supposed to do, to get busy growing up? :)

you'll be fine with a smile engel

domjullian said...

I had the time of my life fortunately, been there, done that.Wild days over.

Ngayon, I just prefer dining out tapos go somewhere quiet and talk and talk.

period said...

geh, sabi mo eh

engel said...

dumenec: i'm actually in that stage of my life already. may iba lang kaming kabarkada na ganun yung trip, kaya ayun nasulat ko. =D

ash: long time no see. Nice to read that you're back!!!

WC: definitely not too late. =)

xtian1978ii said...

ei Engel ok lang 'yun. Ganun talaga. and besides pwede mo gawin 'yun ngayon and when you think you're not enjoying then you'll realize wala ka naman pala na miss after all. dami naman ways to grow up and be happy. it's up to us din naman ang tunay na happiness.

citybuoy said...

haha i totally know what you mean. i've never been a fan of noisy clubs m'self but there was a time when i could still relate with the crowd. lately though, i almost want to card these people. alam ba ng mga nanay niyo yan? mukhang high school eh. haha

Yj said...

there was a time na puro party ako... ayan tuloy 28 na ako at third year college parin....

but no regrets ang drama ko, after all, I'm 28 and looking great hihihihi kaya naman kaya ko paring i-enjoy ang all-night partying, kaya ko ring makipag puyatan with friends while chika-chika over coffee... and at the same time focus sa studies hehehehehe