THE TRUTH ABOUT JOY

The last post could be considered a major reveal, as Engel doesn't normally out himself in a public medium, even if nobody reads this blog. Anyway since the momentum is already there, he thought to just go on with the flow and peel a little more into the person that is Engel.

Since technically, the truth about Engel was only disclosed the day before, the thought of dumping everything to just get it out of the system seemed attractive. But then again that defeats the purpose of telling all in bits and in time. So for now, Engel decided to just share one bit of information for this post.

Back in the heyday of the other blog, Engel posted one of his great loves. It didn't really work out (heck it didn't even start at all).

The supposed love interest is Joy. Engel's biggest crush. The love of his life. The person who he'll move the sun and stars just to be with. The one person he could never say no to. The person who broke his heart. Even if he's already written a goodbye letter to, still found it very difficult to move on from.

Engel fell hard for Joy. As in really hard. The thing about Joy though, is that Joy's a guy. And he's straight. And yes, his real name is Joy.

The reason for writing this now is to just tell the story. The feeling for Joy is no longer the same as compared to a few years ago. The two are currently enjoying a platonic relationship. More than just friendship, what they have now is a brotherhood.

2005 was when Engel first met Joy. The former was a Team Lead, while the latter a newbie. The attraction was instant as the new hire had everything the Team Lead wanted. Stunning good looks. A great attitude. A body to die for. A natural and public sweetness. And the newbie's trust in his superior.

Even if Joy did not go to Engel's team, the padwan often sought help from Engel. The help was often repaid in kind. Joy during his breaks would sit beside the Team Lead to talk about books and alot of nonsense.

The closeness was often looked at negatively by alot of the gay people in the office. Jealousy maybe. But alot of people can't take that the guy that alot of them has a crush on, always hang out with the guy who's hiding in the closet.

The friendship bloomed, but destiny it seems does not want the two to stay together. Joy requested to be transferred to a dayshift account.

Engel was crushed when the request to be moved was accepted, for that meant that he won't see his new best friend anymore. Not even St. Jude was able to help out with Engel's plea for him to stay.

But having already a connection, the move actually strengthened the friendship between the two. They started hanging out, watching movies together. Having coffee dates. Unending chains of text exchanges and late night phone calls. It even grew deeper when Joy's relationship with his long-time girlfriend ended. Engel was his go-to guy for support and was with him throughout most of the endeavour. The selfless act was again repaid, this time a message of love from the guy who now treats him as his brother.

It took Joy a long-time, a few pounds, and alot of therapy to finally move on. And when he did, Engel felt a little bit left out. Fearing his best friend was slipping away, he did the stupidest thing. He outed himself and declared his love to Joy.

Feeling betrayed, Joy started to drift away.

It took almost two years before Engel was able to move on from Joy. Alot of sleepless nights were spent thinking how things could've been if he only kept his mouth shut. He could've kept the friendship that he really treasured. A lot of tears were shed, and for a time his journal was full of emo-ness because of what happened.

Just as soon as he finally decided to close the Joy chapter of his life. A few weeks later the guy came back and re-entered Engel's life. It happened when Engel suggested that Joy date one of his best friends. It didn't work out (that's another story). But the good thing that came out of that fiasco is that the two reconnected.

The failed courting resulted in another bout of depression for Joy, and as the guy who introduced the two, Engel felt guilty and took it upon himself to help out his old friend. This lead to the two rekindling the old times. Out-of-town coffee trips. Hanging out. Late night phone calls. Unending text exchanges. Midnight instant messaging and public display of sweetness are constant again.

For a time, Engel was afraid that the craziness might come back. But it seems that time has already healed the wounds. He did move on. The feelings that were there before was gone. He accepted that everything that Joy is showing him is because the guy is naturally a gentleman and not because of anything else. He now is genuinely just Joy's friend. No, his brother.

The story is being told now, not because Engel is slowly falling for Joy again. That's far from it. He's learned his lesson. Upon starting this blog, he told himself that the purpose of his new home is to tell everything. And to tell the truth.

Engel is not in love with Joy anymore. He has accepted the fact that they are not meant to be. He is just thankful that they are still friends and this time it's for keeps.