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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

THE ART OF LETTING GO

Breaking up is hard. It's sad. It's difficult. It's like the end of the world. Regardless the length of any relationship, be it one day or ten years, when you decide to end it, that's got to be tough. Engel should know, he hasn't had a successful relationship in... ever. It's very hard to admit that even if we loved a person too much, that in the end he or she is still not meant to be for us.

The Wandering Commuter enumerated a number of possible outcomes of a nasty break-up. While it may seem funny, all of it is true. Unfortunately, Engel thinks that some of those things just makes things worse, specially if you're the one who got dumped. Over-eating, plotting revenge, being bitter and even getting drunk are not healthy ways to get over a break-up. Although Engel admits, moving on is a very difficult task.

Engel's been in enough break-ups in his lifetime that he's practically crafted the art of moving-on. While it is not perfect, he thinks it works. At least for him. This is how he does it:

-MOURN. Take two days, say a whole weekend to mourn the break-up. Cry. Ask the Lord, why me? Be paranoid. Find out where it all went wrong. Be alone. Be with your friends. Get emo watching comedy films. Blame your ex, blame yourself. Get angry. Just let it all out (and don't kill yourself). Exhaust all the pain that you're feeling. Don't act like you're strong. Everyone knows you're not okay. While putting up a strong face is respectable, there's nothing wrong with showing your vulnerability. It is better to release everything than keeping it all boiling inside.

-FIND YOUR SUPPORT GROUP. The Wandering Commuter calls this being a Prodigal Friend, but you need to have a support group. You need to be with people who will cheer you up. Who will tell you why your ex is wrong for you. Who will tell you how stupid you were for having a relationship with your ex. They are people who will be with you to help you let go and move on. Some might say it's being 'user-friendly', but prove them wrong. Show them you're grateful and you appreciate the support and most importantly, when you've already let go, stick with them. They helped you move on, now show them that you a genuine friend.

-THINK OF YOURSELF. The best way to make your ex think he or she was a fool letting you go is to show them that you're better off alone. If you've saved some money to buy a gift for your ex on your supposed anniversary, use it to pamper yourself. Buy new clothes. Have a facial. Use the money to enroll in a gym. Better yet, use it to go on a vacation. You're free. You don't need anyone's permission to do the things that you want to do (unless of course you're a minor). You can now flirt with the guy in the office who's been eyeing you when you were still in a relationship. You can grind with the girl with the nice hips in a club. Have fun. Life is too short to bother yourself with your ex.

-LEARN. Every failed relationship is an opportunity for you to grow. Maybe back then you were too clingy, then with the next one learn to let them go. Maybe before you were too jealous, now learn to trust more. If before they broke up with you because you mostly kept to yourself, with the next one learn to open up some more. These things prepare us so that when you finally meet the one. You are ready. You are mature. And there's no reason for anyone or anything to keep
you apart.

There was a quote Engel received from a very good friend which he keeps very dearly specially when he's broken hearted because it gives him hope. "A heartbreak is a blessing from God. It maybe a nightmare that leaves you crying in the middle of the night. But it's just God's way of letting you realize that He saved you from the wrong one."

7 comments:

Knox Galen said...

The Parable of Singapore

"Noong unang panahon, ang bansang Singapore ay bahagi ng Federation of Malaya. Confident ang mga Singaporeans na kasabay silang uunlad with the rest of the Federation. Sa kasamaang palad, nagkaroon ng di-pagkakaunawaan sa pagitan ng mga leaders ng Malay at Ethnic Chinese. Ito ay nauwi sa madugong racial riots. Dahil baluarte ng mga Chinese ang Singapore, sila ang sinisi ng mga Malays. Ang resulta, nagkaroon ng voting sa pagitan ng mga representatives ng bawat component states ng Federation. Nanaig ang desisyon na i-eject ang Singapore mula sa pederasyon. Luhaan at sawi man, tinanggap ng Lee Kuan Yew ang desisyon.

Singapore was forced to be a sovereign country.

Ito ang sinasabi ko sa mga katropa na iniwanan o kaya napuwersa makipag-break up sa partner. Sa halip na maging bitter, gawin nilang hamon ang kung paano tumayo gaano man kalaki ang kawalan sa pagiging malaya.

xtian1978ii said...

Bakit puro ganito nababasa ko lately. panahon ba ito ng kasawian :(

engel said...

xtian: di naman sad yung post, hopeful nga eh. kung sad man, nahawa lang kami sayo. i kid!!!

knox: that's nice. kinda deep but the point can easily be grasped.

Eternal Wanderer... said...

You gotta mourn a litle, cry a little, lose a little.

That's the story of, that's the glory of love.


*pardon the little chnge of lyrics ;)

boy android said...

blog entry ko sana ito pero dahil naunahan mo ako dito ko na lang i-post...

kelan ba malalaman kung nakapag move-on ka na? pag na-realize mo ba na isa o dalawang araw na ang nakalipas na di mo sya naisip? pag nagpunta ka sa mall at di mo hahanapin ang mukha nya sa mga taong nadadaanan mo? pag nakalimutan mo na ang araw na una kayo nagkita, una naging kayo, at ang huling pamamaalam?

pasensya na. emo ako ngayon dahil sa post mo.

engel said...

boy android: you know you've moved on when you think of your ex and it doesn't hurt anymore.

EW: parang si Esther lang dun sa The Orphan.

xtian1978ii said...

hahaha nakakahawa ba 'yun. cguro feeling ko sad kase mejo sad ako wehehehe...