Saturday, January 2, 2010


In my last post, I wrote about contemplating on whether to go out with a girl again or not. It has been awhile since I went out on a date with the opposite sex. I guess the concept of changing things this year got to me.

But then I read this post I wrote a few years ago from my other blog. Made me think twice about going out with a girl.

The past few of days have been a roller coaster ride. I did not fall in love... Almost did, but unfortunately, it did not fall through...

REASON: It was not meant to be...

I met Lyanne in the chatroom a few days ago... The whole thing was wrong from the very beginning, come to think of it... We already were wrong for each other from the moment I received my first text message from her.

But I guess boredom would make you settle for anything less than you expected or wanted. We still texted each other, simply because there's no one else to text, or talk to... It turned out, in some way, there were things that the two of have in common... We were sweet to each other that she even called me 'dadz'. We decided to meet the next day...

Long story short, she was not that much into me, looks wise. Being dumped several times in my life already, I would know... She's not different with the other people who's turned me down... Yes, she looked nice and hot... and I looked like a drab... No effort from my part... But I believe that anyone who would like me when I looked my worst, likes me sincerely... I knew that she didn't but I turned a blind eye hoping that what I had to offer was enough to woe her into liking me...

It was stupid, and I know that... So yesterday I texted her about my status... THis is how the text conversation went...

Me: ilan ang nanliligaw sayo, o kaya yung nagpaparamdam?
Lyanne: 4
Me: kasama na ako dyan?
Lyanne: Nop
Me: Ang dami! So kung irank mo kami, pang-ilan ako?
Lyanne: Di ko masasabi, lahat kayo nasa getting to know each other stage pa lang...
Me: Okay, so pag nag-exert ba ako ng effort para ligawan ka, may pag-asa ba ako?
Lyanne: You don't have to just be yourself.
Me: Now that's my problem with you di ko nafifeel na you want to get to know me better.
Lyanne: That's up to you. Kung gusto mo friends muna tayo.
Me: Wow! Salamat!
Me: No offense meant, but I deserve better. I sincerely hope na mahanap dun sa 4 yung taong magmamahal sayo ng totoo.
Lyanne: if you're not going to say anything nice to me, then spare me!
Me: Im just being realistic, but ako pag nagmahal ako binibigay ko ang lahat... Now, kung hindi kayang suklian ng taong mahal ko yung mga iaalay ko, then she does not deserve my love...

I was younger back when that happened. I was a little immature. Don't think things through. I was a jerk, and it serves me right why nothing happened between us. And I've moved on to better things after her. But that may also have been a sign that I'm not meant for a straight life after all.

That was almost four years ago.

I don't attack people who dislike me anymore.

Oh yeah, this is also why sometimes it sucks having a blog. You get to read back the stupid things you did when you were younger.

I'd bitchslap the me who did that.


rudeboy said...

"Oh yeah, this is also why sometimes it sucks having a blog. You get to read back the stupid things you did when you were younger.

I'd bitchslap the me who did that."

Mmm engel, sounds familiar :P

If our 28 year-old selves would want to bitchslap our 18 year-old selves, I wonder what our 38 year-old selves would do to the present self.

Mga Epal said...

Happy You Year! Manigong "sana kumpleto pa ang mga daliri nyo" sa inyong lahat!

Rei Mikazuki said...

@Rudeboy: Punch the living hell out of our present self?


"Oh yeah, this is also why sometimes it sucks having a blog. You get to read back the stupid things you did when you were younger."

That's why I held back on the thought of posting that kind of material... (and still holding myself back on so much more) so that there's nothing to backread in the future. After all, it was all part of the past. Leave the icing, take the cherry on top, go on with life.

Anonymous said...

defense mechanism at its best. hehe. well, i was like that before too. it takes maturity to handle rejection and maturity comes with age. :)

also, i'd like to believe that we could still jump back into the "straight" path. not as a 100% straight guy but more of a functioning "bisexual" guy. you know, chickboy, pede sa chick, pede sa boy. hahaha. i've seen some do that and magically, it worked.

lee said...

yes, you may want to bitchslap the younger you.

but remember that reading back the things you have written in your blog not only reminds you of the stupid things you did but also the lessons you've learned. :)

thecurioscat said...

grabe ka pala dati Engel, well sabi nga ni max defense mechanism mo lang yun, well you know better now, right?

Eternal Wanderer... said...

Enegl: you wouldn't believe the things i did years ago.

i'd really like to be slapped by ruddie's light-saber because of 'em.


Galen said...

At the very least, you learn. :)

rudeboy said...

@ Ternie : I'd be more than happy to slap you silly even today if I weren't so busy.

anteros' dominion said...

"But I believe that anyone who would like me when I looked my worst, likes me sincerely... "

at least now, napatunayan kong mayruon palang kayang umunawa sa paniniwala ko

red the mod said...

Rejection. Now that's something I know. Just last month, dalawa ang nang-injan sa akin.

engel said...

red: grabe naman yung injan. mas tatanggapin ko pa siguro na iturn down ako ng harapan kesa ma injan. sorry to hear bout that red.

anteros: ano ba paniniwala mo?

galen: that's what we take from our life experiences, yeah?

ligaya: oooh, rudeboy, you're being dared by ternie!! lolz

curioscat: of course, i know better now. i just keep my mouth shut.

lee: true, but it's just sometimes embarassing, remembering the dumb things you did.

max: nah. i think panindigan ko na kung ano ako. unless of course something happens along the way. we could never tell with the way fate plays with our lives.

rei: at kelangan talagang tawagin akong dadz?! anyway, don't hold back. you'd be surprised how alot of people have done what you did before. believe me.

mga epal: happy new year din

rudeboy: ternie's daring you to slap him silly with your lightsaber!!!

reading back on what i've posted the last couple of months i'd give myself another healthy dose of bitch slappin'!!!

gege said...

ewan ko.
kayung dalawa.
kelan mo masasabi na 'it's not meant to be?'
or 'its meant to be?'


pusong usapan.



Anonymous said...

hi engel. walang masama sa pagbabaliktanaw. ang mahalaga, yung nagrereminisce ka, at, natututo, stepping forward. nice hindi na third person, hehe, kudos po :D

Sonia said...

haha, that was funny. bitchslapping our younger selves wouldn't work at all. Still, it's unanimous...reading our earlier selves either tickles us to death or makes us cringe from the naivete.

*sigh* why can't we have foreknowledge?? why oh why not?

citybuoy said...

you think it sucks but i love the fact that past entries make me want to cringe sometimes. haha it tells me how far i've come.

as for lyanne, i think it's natural to attact those who reject us whether or not they do it directly.

i guess what i'm trying to say is, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. :D you wouldn't be the calm and wise engel we know and love if you weren't that young, immature chatter we read about in this post.

engel said...

nyl: you're starting to become one of my favorite commentors!!! thanks for the nice words! appreciate it.

sonia: believe me, if there's one gift i want to have. that's the gift of precognition. =D

anonymous: have to go back to normal way of writing. one of the things i changed when i decided to write here again. hope you like it.

pakilala ka naman. =)

gege: naku. pinipigilan ko pa sarili ko magsulat ngayon ng usapang puso. =D

Chingoy said...

i wonder how many slaps you would have gotten by now ;P

the geek said...

i know this is late but happy new year to you...