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Wednesday, September 2, 2009

HOW HE SAID GOODBYE

Joy,

Before I say goodbye, I want you to know how much I loved you. I truly cared.

From the day I met you, I hoped that something will work out between the two of us. I did not expect that I'll fall for you. You're just someone I'm supposed to take care of, professionally. Not once did I suspect that something will creep in me and I'll feel this way.

You've been a good friend. I miss being friends with you. I miss the talks, the movies, the night outs. I miss visiting you unannounced. The long text messaging we do exchanging life experiences and everything. I miss waking up to your sweet friendship quotes, and corny jokes. We've had a few phone conversations, mostly business related, but I cherish all of it.

Remember the time you went to the office to bring me lunch? I've been in relationships before, but that was the sweetest thing anyone's ever did for me. I don't think I'll ever forget it. I'll never forget you. Your name will always be etched in my heart.

But then things change. People change. I changed. I've said some things that I regret ever saying. I don't know if it was because I was jealous, or that I was just being me... stupid. You know that about me already. I appreciate that you've tried to keep things to seem the same despite the fact that things between us will never really be the same.

Remember that night you've asked to go out on a date with me? I do. But apparently, that would be the last time you'll be initiating any more conversations with me. But I know I did the right thing. You were vulnerable then, and we both would have done something we'll later on regret. I won't let that happen to us. But you saw things differently.

And now, here we are. You have your own life. I have mine. As painful it is to believe, I no longer am a part of yours. And there's nothing I can do about it. Nothing but to move on. So now I will. I will try my best, but it's not going to be easy. I know it will be painful. But in time, I know my heart will mend. Things are going to be easier. Life will go on. I will forget how painful this has been, but I won't forget you.

But I guess I should be used to saying goodbye to you. In the few years that I have known you, I've said goodbye more than once. The first time you expressed your intention of leaving us, that was the worst day of my life. Once I learned of your wish, it immediately rained. Soaked and alone, I cried. I let the raindrops hide my tears. It is the only way I can. I should be used to saying goodbye to you by now. But I'm not.

I could've been yours. But sadly, that's not our fate. Or it isn't our time.

I'll always pray for your happiness. But for now, I'll have to temporarily forget. It's been over a year. But as long as I place you on the pedestal and compare everyone that I meet to you, I'll never find my happiness. I have to let go. I have to let you go.

Goodbye. We'll see each other again soon.

I hope.
----------------------------

Joy's birthday was yesterday. It made Engel remember everything that happened between them. The feelings he had is no longer there. He reposted this, just to remind him he's already moved on.

This was the end of his love, and the beginning of their friendship.

It's just nice to be reminded that for once, Engel was human.

10 comments:

boy android said...

i love this line - "I could've been yours." brings back memories. sad ones.

xtian1978ii said...

I'm glad that you're ok. Moving on and forward could be the hardest thing ever.

theLastJedi said...

' wow.. again, naka-relate na naman ang jedi.. i used to write letters that i never intended to send to mah ex.. and like you, every time i feel so lost, i would read those letters again and myself grinning.. somehow the letters remind me how far i have gone.. =)
- geezzz.. mah lacrimal glands are always stimulated because of yah.. ahahahahahaha!!!!

Goodboi said...

Engel, reposting such is not a clear indication of moving on. It still kicks in with hope and sadness. Try writing an ode to your ex. It is a more convenient way to detach yourself from him as compared to short love letters - for love letters come with emotions.

engel said...

goodboi: that's the only thing i've written about joy in my blog that's not too pathetic.

jedi: madrama ba?

xtian: it was hard. but that was all in the past.

android: =)

domjullian said...

loverboy naman pala si Engel

Maxwell5587 said...

"But as long as I place you on the pedestal and compare everyone that I meet to you, I'll never find my happiness. I have to let go. I have to let you go."

- i like this line. :) been there, done that. comparison is such an unfair word.

<*period*>; said...

you said 'i could've been yours'.

my response, too bad it never happened.

but that's light

godspeed

chubskulit said...

Wow so emo in here, love the letter you wrote.. You're a good man!

followed your blog now..

Klaus said...

It's a bummer when you meet someone, fall for that someone and things don't work out and suddenly you compare everyone that follows to that someone. I usually take a while before I stop doing that if I know what's best for me.