Thursday, June 30, 2011


We all dream of a fairy tale love story.

The magic. The prince to sweep us off our feet.

We envy those whose love stories seemed like they were meant for classic literature. And we look for ones ourselves.

And sometimes that's what's wrong with us.

We expect our love story to be this epic fairy tale. About impossible odds that love will conquer. That anything less than grand is unacceptable. Sometimes we let go of good people just because our story was simple. Not worth telling.

But love stories aren't always grand.

They won't always be perfect.

And oftentimes, they are not true.

The only time it will feel real, that it will feel epic, that it will be perfect, it's when you know that you're with the one. You could meet that person on a chatroom, in one of your commutes, a friend of a friend, and it would not matter how your love story goes. What's important is you have a love story.

And that it is true.

That is a fairy tale.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

AT 29

Engel's been having a hard time finding an inspiration to write the last few months. It seems that the name of the blog has been justified. Much has been said.

But while browsing some of the online journals that he started to follow recently, it occured to him that he's already 29. A few months more and he'll be turning the big three oh!!

He doesn't really much care about the number. Truth is, it's been said that he'd been looking forward to hitting thirty. He does not get why this is a big issue with other people. From his experience it's just another day. Another number.

Engel does get some of the concerns though. There are people who plan things and get nervous because they still are far from reaching their goals. There are those who expect to have a family before they turn that age and are now scared it may not happen. And of course, there are also alot of people who wants to be successful before they turn thirty. Engel was once one of those.

A few moments ago, he actually wanted to write a plan on things he wants to do, things he needs to accomplish in the next eight months before he turns thirty.

But then he realized why he stopped doing those. Life gets in the way of people's plans.

Engel is happy now.

Why complicate things.

They say, people should think of the long term. It's valid. People should prepare for the future. One never knows what will happen.

Honestly, the only thing Engel's been preparing for is his death. He does not want to inconvenience those he will leave behind with the burden of his death. But other than that, he's fine.

Right now, he only thinks of the present. And why not, he's having fun. He's not alone. He is happy.

Are there things he wish he has but hadn't got? Yes.

But there's still time.

They say that no one really knows when your time's up.

But for Engel, he'd rather die happy than worried.

This is how Engel views life at age 29. Although there is a certainty that things will change.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011


When you haven't outed yourself, you get alot of questions. People specially your family have alot of expectations. Unfortunately some of them want those expectations met.

Sometimes it's frustrating (if this seems familiar, I already wrote this somewhere else and in Filipino).

Tita: Engel, when are you going to get married?
Engel: It might take awhile.
Tita: Aren't you afraid you might get left behind. You're not getting any younger.
Engel: I'm fine. I'm a guy. I'm not worried about having kids.
Engel: And besides, I'm happy where I am right now.
Tita: That's not a good idea. If you get kids when you're older, who do you think will take care of them? When you hit 60 do you think you could still take care of a teenager?
Tita: I'm just worried you won't be able to take care of your children.
Engel: How about you tita, when are you going to get married?
Tita: is offline

Another Tita: Technology's great, yeah.
Engel: Yeah.
Tita: You get to talk to family hundreds of miles away.
Tita: You see their pictures.
Engel: Yup.
Tita: I especially like facebook.
(me thinking to myself uh-oh)
Tita: You get updated with old friends
Tita: Classmates.
Tita: Family.
Engel: Yup. Yup.
Tita: You.
Tita: So I see on your profile you're in a relationship
Engel: ...
Tita: ...
Engel: ...
Tita: ...
Engel: ...
Tita: Aren't you going to tell me about your girlfriend?
Engel: is offline.

Maybe it'll be easier if I just out myself.