ANECDOTES ON ATTRACTION

By the standard of good-looking, Engel probably wouldn't fall under that category. Specially with the PLU crowd. Speaking by experience, and he's not being bitter, he's turned off the ugliest gay guy he's known. Not that he's saying that he's ugly, because that's not true either.

What he is, is the 'but' guy. People tend to say, "Engel's cute, but..." or "he's handsome but..." He's that kind of guy.

And with that, he often attracts a different set of people. He's not complaining, he appreciates that. Boosts his ego a little and gives him a glimmer of hope that he won't end up being happy single. That he may be happy with someone in the future.

But then, like what was said earlier, he tends to attract a different kind of crowd when talking about those who crushes on him. This post may sound a little bratty, but you probably already know that he's an idiot. So bear with him, you've already read four paragraphs. What's a few more, right?

Going back to the topic, this post is supposed to enumerate people who, shall we say fell for Engel.

THE HOUSEHOLD HELP
Yeah, at one point in time, their neighbor's maid was really pining for him. He knows because the girl was very vocal about that. There was even one day when Engel got home from school, she called on him "kuya, gusto mo ng pan de coco?" sabay kindat. That kind of freaked him out a little. A lot actually. That was creepy. He found out later on that she eloped with some other neighbor's helper. He doesn't go out of the house anymore so he wouldn't know if he still has it. But he'd rather not know.

THE PARLORISTA
I have nothing against them, in all honesty. Engel's gay too, but they're just not his type. His friends told him to try them out, he could probably live off their generosity, but Engel's not that kind of guy. Anyway, a few years ago a block from their house was a beauty saloon ran by a couple of really colorful gays. The saloon was beside the basketball court so the owners really hit jackpot when it comes to men. But then one of the two parlorista's don't really bother with those sweaty players. He'd pick on Engel. Winking at him, blowing kisses, and offering free services (hair and facial and not another kind of service). Engel will often politely decline, but the gay guy would still not quit. So Engel just ignored him. One day the parlor closed down and never saw the guy again.

THE MATRON
A few weeks ago, Engel watched District 9 in Glorietta. You know how the cinemas there often have reserved seating. Engel likes looking like a nerd. He often wears eyeglasses even if he has 20/20 vision. Anyway, on that day, he was seated next to an older lady. Probably in her 40's early 50's. The older lady never sat still during the entirety of the film so Engel doesn't know if anything's wrong with her. Until the middle of the movie, he felt a finger running through his arm. It was the lady. She never looked at Engel, just ran her finger. He froze. He went to the washroom after and looked for an empty seat to occupy. That scared the hell out of him. She didn't even looked like a cougar.

THE FELLOW NERD
Engel is a self-confessed geek. He boasts of his huge collection of comicbooks and his love of perfumes and video games where he previously worked. So naturally, he'd attract someone who shares the same interests. Unfortunately, that someone is a girl. Engel was a Team Lead back then, and he'd often bother his reps just to get the some juicy info on his people. The fortunate rep he picked on was the nerdy girl who was all quiet and shy. He'd harass her to find out who her crush was. Lo and behold it was Engel. Soon after, she started sending sweet messages and giving him gifts and leaving comments on his friendster account. From then on, he learned to shut his mouth and mind his own business.

THE HEALTHY LADIES
His recent count is four. Two of them he became friends with. One is currently a colleague, and the other one was a reader of his other blog. His straight blog. She had the tenacity to find Engel's facebook, friendster, ym and email address. She works for the same company he's in. Engel doesn't want to ever show himself to that girl because he knows that there's something kinda off about her. She'd often leave a message on his outlook telling him how sad and lonely she is, how she needs to be with someone. There's nothing wrong with that, and he's really tempted to tell her the truth about himself, but he doesn't like to risk giving away his secret where he's working. There's nothing wrong about people finding out his sexual preference, but he'd like to keep status quo for the meantime.

**********
If this sounds kinda mean, Engel apologizes. He doesn't mean to offend anyone. He's writing this post to stroke his ego. He'd rather write something like this than be all emo and depressing.

ROTTEN CHEESE

Everywhere today, Engel's been reading alot of cheesy posts. A lot of hook-ups. There are some cutesy anecdotes about the writers and their special someone. There are those who are hopeful for a more romantic future. And some are just super cheesy.

Engel's been in the blog universe long enough to spot trends in this his virtual home. If someone's in love, chances are in the next few days you'll be reading alot of love posts. When someone is brokenhearted, other people will follow suit and write depressing stories. If there's a blog war between two bloggers, there will be posts written to defend one side, even if the blogger does not even know any of the warring parties.

The common theme he's read today got him thinking. Should this make him hopeful? Or is he going to be depressed?

He's not a scrooge. He's happy that alot of people, straight or otherwise are finding love and keeping it. But like he said a few posts earlier, this is upsetting because he still has no one. He misses the feeling of 'kilig'. Of having butterflies in your stomach.

He wants to send text messages asking someone if he's already eaten. He misses being asked how was his day. He wants to be able to hold someone's hand. He wants to know how it feels again having an argument because he forgot it's their anniversary. He misses saying sorry, and making up with his partner. He wants to be able to take someone out of the city for a date. He wants to walk with someone on the way home. He wants to take a time out from work to sneak a text message to the one. He wants to be in love.

Being single is not exhausting. But it would really be nice to be a part of a couple every once in awhile.

This is just me, I think even if I'm with somebody I'd probably still be a drama king. It's human nature, never getting satisfied with what we have.

And Makmak, yeah, this time I'm depressed. I'm not denying.

I TOUCH MYSELF

This may have piqued some interest, but people with really dirty minds, you'll be disappointed. I did not create a new blog to brag about my sexploits. I have friendster for that (just joking!).

Although this isn't totally naughty, it's kind of somewhat kinky. It's hard to explain, so just read on.

I was singing out loud on my way home a few minutes ago. I was minding my own business when I noticed the girl beside me was snickering. I'm pretty sure it was the sound of my voice she finds funny. But then I realized I was singing something kinda naughty.

I don't want anybody else
when I think about you
I touch myself
Oh, I don't want anybody else
Oh no oh no oh no oh oh oh

That's the Divinyl's I Touch Myself. Yeah, it's a kinda dirty song. And in lieu with that, since the weather's pretty cold this morning I thought, what the hell. I'll list down my favorite sexy time music.

I TOUCH MYSELF
The Divinyls
Yeah, let me start with this one. Listening to the lines, it's a song you'd probably listen to when you're doing your thing by yourself. Alone. But I've played this even when I'm with someone, and it doesn't turn off the mood. I think the melody is nice, it's sexy. It's something you'd play if you want to like experiment or go wild with your partner. It's a fun sexy song.

LAST REQUEST
Paolo Nutini
I know a lot of people who likes this song, but doesn't really understand what it's about. And they really get shocked when they learn about it's meaning. This for me is a very nice sexy song. You probably wouldn't want to explain what this song is about before you do it because it'll ruin the mood. But if you like passionate lovemaking, this would be nice to hear in the background. Last request is actually about a couple who's about to break up and wants to do 'it' one last time before they do.

IN DEMAND
Texas
This is my foreplay music. I've never really played this while doing the deed, but I always imagine this song playing while I'm kissing someone. I don't know the name of the lead singer of Texas but her voice is really cool and soothing and I like it. Like I said earlier, it's a really nice foreplay song.

YOUR BODY IS A WONDERLAND
John Mayer
The guitar rifts at the beginning of this song, I really find sexy. It's undeniably a sexy time music, and it's effective in turning on the mood. I think this one's an after-the-deed song. Makes you want to play out the scenes of the music video. It's a good song if you're the touchy-feely type of person. I remember running my fingers all over my partner's body while this one's playing in the background.

NEXT IN LINE
From the Jologs Soundtrack
This is not a sexy time song I know. It's just that it's the song playing when I first did it with someone like me. My real first time, there wasn't any music in the background. Anyway, this song's forever going to torture me because whenever I hear this, I remember that fateful early morning. I got deflowered on a Jologs soundtrack. Urk.

That's it for today, I think I need to touch myself now.

CHURCHGOER

The last time Engel was inside the church on a Sunday was July of 2004. Five years. And prior to that, the last time he went to church on a Sunday would be in high school. Or maybe grade school, Engel doesn't remember. Well, probably high school, so he could then go out with his friends after.

That doesn't mean he doesn't go to church. On the contrary, back in college he was a patron of St. Jude (specially during the midterms and finals season). That's how he got through and finished college, prayer.

He's not an atheist. He believes in God. He prays. He knows some of the saints and is familiar with alot of church songs. He just doesn't like going to Sunday mass. No particular reason, really.

He's probably not the only guy who does that. Not really sure where he got it from. His father's extremely religious. Always going to mass on Sundays. Their family were really like that. Maybe Engel got that from his mother. She's a non-practicing Catholic, but that's because she really wasn't originally a Christian. But then again, his mom sometimes goes with his dad to church. Engel doesn't... ever.

Upon realization, he thinks the reason why he doesn't go to church, is that he'll only be committing more sins there. He'll probably just scan for guys that he likes. He might just sleep through the sermon, and probably not listen to the words that will be said. He doesn't even remember the parts of the mass. He'll definitely condemn himself more to eternal damnation if he goes there.

The thing is, although he doesn't hear mass on Sundays. He does go to church. He goes to St. Jude to pray. To say thanks. To talk to God. To say sorry for his shortcomings. He appreciates his blessings. Whenever he can, he pays the good things he receives forward to other people. And when he does go to church or to mass, he makes sure that he focuses only on the person up there.

Engel's not a churchgoer, probably never will be. But then that's because he doesn't really believe that going to church will save your soul. He believes it all depends on you. How you live your life. You can always go to church regularly, but if you still do things that aren't necessarily good, then that devoids the whole hearing mass thing. It just makes one a hypocrite.

WHO ELSE HATES THE RAIN?

You know how people get sentimental or emo during the rainy season? Well I've been like that this past weekend.

Rain and How I Met Your Mother is really a bad combination. It makes one think. A lot. But don't get me wrong, I'm not sad. It's just that there are certain things, questions that now lingers in my mind. A fear perhaps.

While not active, I do go out with people. I try to meet others just like me in hopes of meeting the one. Unfortunately, the one's being elusive. I mean that's fine, the journey to finding him or her is worth it, I think. But sometimes I can't help but feel tired of waiting.

I know I'm not the only person who feels this way. Sometimes we envy people who've met the person that they're meant to be with. It makes us question how long we have to wait, or if there really is someone out there for us.

I thought about waiting for someone to come along because everytime I start looking, that's when I don't find anyone. The people I met, I met by chance. The people I meet when I was looking, none of them stayed.

Maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe I have too much expectations. Maybe my standards are high. But the time will come. The person who will accept me regardless my flaws, my hang-ups, my craziness will be here. I just have to keep myself occupied while waiting.

Like Stella said, he's probably on his way, he's just stuck in the heavy traffic caused by the rain.

KIMMY DORA

Not to sound super jologs, but I did enjoy watching that movie very much.

I don't remember ever laughing so hard in any Filipino movie that I've seen. Kimmy Dora's a riot. Eugene Domingo was awesome here.

It's the story of two sisters, one highly intelligent but really mean and the other one who's truly nice except she's semi retarded. I'm not really sure how to tell the plot of the film because it's kinda complicated. But it was a nice story.

The plot was not very original, if you ask me, but what makes up for an old rehashed story is the excellent delivery from it's star. Dora is a very different character from her sister, that they seem to be two different actors. It was so good, when Dora was pretending to be the twin, it's like watching a really funny impersonator.

But what made this movie really awesome is that it's peppered with alot of stars. I think I sounded really jologs pointing out actors that my friends never even heard of. It's like a virtual who's-who of Philippine entertainment. That was cool. But of course, nothing can beat the star-making performance of Eugene Domingo. She was hilarious in this movie.

Yeah, so I like the film.

HOW HE SAID GOODBYE

Joy,

Before I say goodbye, I want you to know how much I loved you. I truly cared.

From the day I met you, I hoped that something will work out between the two of us. I did not expect that I'll fall for you. You're just someone I'm supposed to take care of, professionally. Not once did I suspect that something will creep in me and I'll feel this way.

You've been a good friend. I miss being friends with you. I miss the talks, the movies, the night outs. I miss visiting you unannounced. The long text messaging we do exchanging life experiences and everything. I miss waking up to your sweet friendship quotes, and corny jokes. We've had a few phone conversations, mostly business related, but I cherish all of it.

Remember the time you went to the office to bring me lunch? I've been in relationships before, but that was the sweetest thing anyone's ever did for me. I don't think I'll ever forget it. I'll never forget you. Your name will always be etched in my heart.

But then things change. People change. I changed. I've said some things that I regret ever saying. I don't know if it was because I was jealous, or that I was just being me... stupid. You know that about me already. I appreciate that you've tried to keep things to seem the same despite the fact that things between us will never really be the same.

Remember that night you've asked to go out on a date with me? I do. But apparently, that would be the last time you'll be initiating any more conversations with me. But I know I did the right thing. You were vulnerable then, and we both would have done something we'll later on regret. I won't let that happen to us. But you saw things differently.

And now, here we are. You have your own life. I have mine. As painful it is to believe, I no longer am a part of yours. And there's nothing I can do about it. Nothing but to move on. So now I will. I will try my best, but it's not going to be easy. I know it will be painful. But in time, I know my heart will mend. Things are going to be easier. Life will go on. I will forget how painful this has been, but I won't forget you.

But I guess I should be used to saying goodbye to you. In the few years that I have known you, I've said goodbye more than once. The first time you expressed your intention of leaving us, that was the worst day of my life. Once I learned of your wish, it immediately rained. Soaked and alone, I cried. I let the raindrops hide my tears. It is the only way I can. I should be used to saying goodbye to you by now. But I'm not.

I could've been yours. But sadly, that's not our fate. Or it isn't our time.

I'll always pray for your happiness. But for now, I'll have to temporarily forget. It's been over a year. But as long as I place you on the pedestal and compare everyone that I meet to you, I'll never find my happiness. I have to let go. I have to let you go.

Goodbye. We'll see each other again soon.

I hope.
----------------------------

Joy's birthday was yesterday. It made Engel remember everything that happened between them. The feelings he had is no longer there. He reposted this, just to remind him he's already moved on.

This was the end of his love, and the beginning of their friendship.

It's just nice to be reminded that for once, Engel was human.

ENGEL DISLIKES...

There's not alot of things that Engel dislikes. He's generally a nice person. But nice people have pet peeves too. Since he's actually already sleepy now, he'll make it simple. Keep it short and simple.

HE HATES TARDINESS.
He's actually already used to that. But the thing is, most of his friends have no concept of punctuality. Engel comes to an engagement often on the agreed time, but alot of times, he's made to wait. He has a long thread of patience, but if it takes a person two hours to arrive, expect him to blow up. He has no anger issues, so he wouldn't fight with you, but he has a tendency to leave the person behind, or not talk to them at all.

HE DISLIKES ARROGANCE.
For Engel, no matter how attractive you are, if you are arrogant, you're not good on his book. The instance you show Engel even a hint of arrogance (rolling of the eyes, raising an eyebrow), expect him to show everyone how cool he could be and how excluded he can make you feel. He could be such an ass when it comes to arrogant bastards.

HE DOES NOT APPRECIATE REALLY AGGRESSIVE WOMEN.
Whores in short. Engel does not mind that a girl is kikay, but if she's overly aggressive specially with him, he'd blow up on you. He respects the other sex, in fact for a time he dated these species. But if a woman becomes too aggressive with him or with people he crushes on, he'll hate her. Call it insecurity, but he does not appreciate competition.

HE IS PARTICULAR WITH GRAMMAR
Engel may not be the most fluent english speaker (or writer), but he can carry on a straight conversation in that language. He's nitpicky in terms of grammar and can pinpoint english mistakes. He really hates it especially if a person is loud, showing off their ability to talk like an American but when you listen intently, it doesn't make any sense. They throw around idioms just for the heck of it, even if it's not appropriate.

HE HATES PESSIMISM
Expect Engel to avoid these kinds of people. Pessimism infects other people. It ruins good moods. It's a virus that Engel does not want to catch. He runs away the moment he sees a person that he knows has nothing else to say but how bad their life is. He can listen to a person vent out their problems every once in awhile, but when that person has a different problem everyday, no. He's got no energy to endure one.

Here's Engel's list, so what's your pet peeve?