Thursday, June 24, 2010


Ternie's comment from my last post rang true, maintaining a relationship is hard. Period.

Not that I am complaining, because all the hard work is worth it whenever I hear 'the kid' (I'm branding him that from now on) say those three words. Or whenever he says that he's happy, or he misses me or each time he goes all cheesy on me.

Enough about that, I did not come back to this blog to brag about my relationship. Not entirely.

I'm trying to be all guru-like. Learned. Experienced. Wise. Even if I'm not. Specially relationship-wise. But in any case, this is my journal. The chronicles of my life. This is where I share what I have learned so far.

These are things that I've learned from my exes that I'm trying to change. No, not trying. I'm GOING to change.

I broke it off because I felt that I was caged in the relationship. That I had to tell him everything that I did. I felt I wasn't really free. I didn't even tell him that. I just gave up. I didn't give him a chance.
So now I learned to communicate. We talk about the things. Things we don't want to hear. And we work it out.

In retrospect, I don't think what we had was a relationship. We were more like glorified fuck buddies. Shit, I even let myself be his mistress (what do you call a male mistress?). We broke up because we really didn't know each other.
So now I learned that before I dive into a relationship I should get to know the person first. We may know each other for some time already, but there are still some things I am discovering about the kid. Some I like, others, I like even more.

The first love did not work out because it was all built on a lie. The relationship would've been okay as things were most of the time okay. But when the shit started hitting the fan, the relationship started sinking.
I learned to open up. A little. It's a work in progress. Oh and I learned to be honest.

He wasn't an ex. But he was a love-that-cannot-be. He's straight, and he is one of my best friends in the world.
I learned a little bit about timing. Like the previous learning, this is a work in progress. But at least now, I think more before I speak. And when I do speak, I learned when to shut up.

This was my longest relationship so far. And it was way back in high school. In all my past relationships this is where there are similarities with the current one. There is an age gap. We don't get to see each other often. We mostly talk on the phone. It didn't work out because she had to go to college, and I was stuck in high school.
From this relationship I learned how to be patient. I learned how to be sweet. I learned to respect my partner. I learned alot of things regarding how to be a good boyfriend from this relationship.

There are still alot to learn, that's for sure. But I hope when these lessons are learned we'd still be together. We learn not for the next relationship, but because we wanted ours to be stronger.

Friday, June 18, 2010


I think I wrote about this yesterday: when it comes to relationships, mine usually had a deadline of one month. One month, and then it's over.

There are different reasons why they end. But mostly it's because of me. I quit the person. I felt caged. Or it doesn't seem to work anymore. The relationships end when the honeymoon phase is over. If me and my partner had a fight, that normally spelt the end of the relationship.

Yesterday, me and the kid had an argument.

The reason isn't that important, and I'll be vague about it. He kind of had an issue about some of my friends' attitude about us. So anyway, that pissed him off big time. I took issue on his response because I loved him and wanted him to be a part of my world, but he seemed to have not been interested in it because of what had been said.

I know it may not sound or read much but it was the first time we really had something like that. It wasn't nasty or anything. But on my part, it was really heavy.

Old Engel may have finally found a chink in the armor. The past few days they haven't really had alot to talk about. School started, and the kid doesn't have alot of free time anymore. And it'll definitely be less once classes properly begin. Add the fact he's seeing some flaws in the kid. I may have reasons already to bail on the relationship.

But I didn't.

The thought never occurred to me. What occupied my head during the few hours we weren't talking was how to fix things. Not once did quitting come to mind.

To make the long story short, we patched things up. We're good. I'd even dare to say that we're even better.

I know, you're probably scratching your head right now thinking what the hell's the point of this post?

I guess what I really wanted to say is: in a relationship, the moment the honeymoon phase ends that's when the test of commitment begins. And right now (and this sounds corny/cheesy), I'm fully committed to make this relationship work.

The one month curse will be broken. I'm pretty sure of it.

Thursday, June 17, 2010


The one thing that put a smile on my face whenever I open this blog while I was still in the 'I-quit-this-blog' phase was that it's still generating hits and new followers. Granted that once upon a time I think I was writing posts that kinda appealed to a particular niche, the last few posts have been a bit offensive to some people.

Anyway, since my return I've noticed the people who've been visiting me or leaving comments on my posts are new names, new faces that I haven't met before, I thought maybe it's time I reintroduce myself to people who don't know me.

A few bits about the author of this little home.
  • This is my 7th home on the blogosphere, but only my 2nd active blog. The other one is written mostly in Filipino and caters to a different set of blog friends.
  • I work night shifts for one of the world's biggest companies first as a customer service person, but now a sort of IT person. Sort of. It's difficult to explain.
  • Contrary to popular belief, I am not a flirt. I'm just friendly. And I'm also suplado. I have walls that need to be broken down.
  • I once had a relationship with a fellow blogger, that didn't end well. So now, I decided bloggers are better off as friends.
  • I am a homebody. I don't go out to parties, unless it's an intimate (not sexual-intimate but intimate-intimate) type of hanging out.
  • The reason for above is mostly because I tend to not talk when I'm hanging out with more than three people. It's weird but my mouth automatically shuts up when more than three people are with me.
  • I'm a geek. I can stay in my room for one whole weekend just watching dvd's, playing video games, reading my comic books or just sleeping. Sometimes I wear glasses, and I own quite a number of checkered polos.
  • I like talking about myself in my blogs. Narcissus is my best friend.
  • I own a pet parrot, and there've been a few bloggers who've already petted (is this a word?) it.
  • I always cry whenever I watch a dog movie.
  • My longest relationship was with a girl (8 months). After that my relationships had a deadline (1 month), which I'm working really hard to break with my current one. Thankfully, the partner is just as committed to this as I am.

There you go. Some bits about me.

Friday, June 11, 2010


How can you do what the norm says is right, when doing something bad feels so good?

  • Eating too much.
  • Not having enough sleep on a work week to play video games.
  • Not having enough sleep on a work week because you're on the phone flirting.
  • Word vomiting to your friends on people that irritate you.
  • Watching dvd on full speakers in the middle of the night.
  • Doing something intentionally just to piss off somebody.
  • Rubbing in your happiness at depressed friends.
  • Getting people at work paranoid.
  • Falling in love with a fellow man.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


I left Engel because I thought that it's already served it's purpose. In truth it already did. I've said all I had to say. I've met all the people I wanted to meet. I made a handful of good friends, and I think it's more than enough.

I've been through quite a few things during my time away from this blog, and I'm grateful I have a few people that I was able to turn to for advise during those times. I met them all here. And I'm not asking for anything more. And honestly, I was quite disappointed with a few of the people I've met online. Superficial.

I thought that of all the people who'd understand me, it would be the people who are the same as I am. Call me naive, but I thought that was true. Apparently not.

Now I came back because I thought there's no other means for me to say what I really wanted to say. I write alot on my other home, and it's mostly me. But I can't say everything.

Believe me, I so wanted to say there how happy I am, the state I am in these days. But I can't not all of them understand. I'm not one to worry about losing readers. That's how you know who will stick around. But some of them I've known ever since I started that home.

But the freedom is here. I get to express everything here without inhibitions. Without worries of being misjudged.

And I came back because I have new reasons to write again.

The GBV pointed out that this side of the blogosphere has kind of lost the really good writers. I'm sure they're still around. I still see them post entries every now and then, but I guess they are now busy living their lives outside the online world.

It's a shame because most of them I haven't even met yet.

I don't get to bloghop here as often as I should, but one thing I noticed, and I said this a few posts ago, most of the new blogs out there are all about one thing. Sex.

Yeah, I know sex sells. And I'm not going to burst other's bubbles here. That's their blogs, that's what they want to write. I've always the option to not read them. But then again I hope those people won't expect others to treat them seriously. No offense, but those people air out their most private or intimate experiences to the public. These things are not meant to be shared. Unless your aim is to tittilate and nothing else.

I'm not going to go all preachy or anything because for one, I read some of them.

These are only my opinions. I don't mean to offend anyone by what I said here. And if in case I did, I'm sorry.

Saturday, June 5, 2010


I know that this is one thing that I've never really done alot of.

I never really had that much experience with it. Like I said before, it wasn't something that I enjoyed before. It didn't turn me on as much.

But now that I'm with someone. And we don't really get to see each other as much as we want. Our alternative to the real thing would be doing it over the phone.

We tried doing it earlier this afternoon. And it was bad. Real bad. It wasn't dirty. It was actually cheesy. Awkward.

So now I need your help. We'll try again next week. Give me tips on how we can do good on it. What do I do? The truth is, I can't really do it seriously, because when we try we always laugh at each other. Maybe because we're friends first before anything.

But I want to try.

So help.

We tried doing it again earlier this afternoon. We agreed, we're not going to do it again. It was just bad. Hilarious bad. Like the stuff of jokes bad.

I mean, it's not like we won't be able to do it for real.